Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
This is one of Dan's favorite scriptures. He's quoted it to me ever since our BYU days (and that's a long time ago). I've always trusted in the Lord. After all, it is He who blesses my life and whom I lean on for comfort. He has always been there for me and He has provided miracle after miracle in my life. However, in retrospect I've always "had a plan" too. Mind you, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a plan. I honestly believe that "a plan" can save almost any situation.
In HS I planned to go to college. I even planned what I would study. I planned what to do when I broke up with a boyfriend or when a boyfriend broke up with me. Having a plan made it all easier to deal with.
As a mom, I learned pretty early that things went smoother with little children if I had a plan. I planned to feed them before they got so hungry they would cry. I planned to put them to bed before they became so tired that they couldn't sleep. I planned almost every aspect of the day. It really was the best way to accomplish the many things that had to be done when you have children. I become very good at making plans. Of course, things didn't always work the way I planned but then I'd make a new plan.
This all really leads to where I am right now. Dan is in the hospital in a coma with nobody knowing if he will come out of it or what his condition will be IF he comes out of it. So, I go into the "planning mode". If he doesn't wake up and if he doesn't live, then I proceed with A,B,C,D, etc. to do the many things I will need to do just to get by. Those are pretty basic things - you get him home to Idaho, plan a funeral, bury him (of course I realize these will all be VERY DIFFICULT things for me to do, but... I can do them and will have to do them IF he doesn't wake up.
On the other hand, IF he wakes up how do I plan? I don't know what his needs will be. I don't know what I will need to do for him. I really don't know much at all about IF he wakes up. So, I think day and night trying to make a plan to make it work.
My head hurts and I just can't get a handle on the "If he wakes up" part. As I pray and just talk to Heavenly Father about it, he just says "Be patient". That doesn't really help much with the plan, does it? But, that's really all he says. "Be patient." I trust Him and I know things will work out because He loves me and He loves Dan and He wants only the best for both of us. So, I don't worry about that part. But, what do I do IF he wakes up? How can I plan what to do?
All of these things are swirling around in my head and I just can't make it work out.
Then today as I entered his room and said, "Dan" he turned and looked right at me. WOW!!! Blow me away!!! I say it again and again he looks at me. HE'S WAKING UP!!!
There were small marks of improvement at the first of the day. A hand moving here or an eye contact there. Very small gains ~ but gains!
I sat with him, rubbed his feet, his head, adjusted his covers (at least 100 times), talked to him and watched his every move. People came and sometimes you knew he was aware of them and other times not. But small gains!
Later in the afternoon, Jutta, my angel nurse came in and I was looking in his mouth. Maybe it's a Speech Path. thing, but regardless, I was looking in his mouth. His tongue was quite swollen and then was residue on his lips and tongue. Jutta decided we should swab out his mouth and clean it up. He appeared to like the moisture and especially the clean mouth. We wondered about whether he'd like some ice chips or not but Jutta thought we should have a swallow eval. done first. There was always the chance that he wouldn't be able to swallow correctly and thus asperate. As I was doing a quick eval, Jutta said, "Oh yah, you can do that for us, uh?" I checked him out watching his tongue movements, encouageing this or that movement and sure enough, he had what it takes for a good swallow so we brought out the ice chips. Dan loved it! I asked him if he'd like some more and he SAID, "Ya". Got that? He said, "Ya". When I asked him what he wanted, he said, "more". We got a "hi", "ya" several times and a "no", too. I said, "I love you" and he said three syllables beginning with "I". You can guess what I'm thinking he said.
Jutta and I were almost beside ourselves. Dan was with us again. The Dr. who thought we might want to talk about "Life Options" came in and was teary eyed when she said, "I would have never thought.." She was amazed!! As were we!!! And I loved it!!
I texted the kids and called other family to let them know that Dan was waking up!!! Laura and Mark had gone to the Provo Temple so we didn't reach them till later, but everyone was excited.
Dan tired pretty quickly after all the things we were asking him to do so we encouraged him to rest. I left so I wouldn't jump up and cover him up every time he moved. He rested much better when I sat still but that was hard to do today. So, I left the hospital, took a gift to The Kimball to thank them for a week of great rooms to crash in and then headed to Orem. I had a room there for myself and Seth and I needed to get us checked in.
I had dinner as I imagined I would with Dan on the eve of Valentine's Day and then we met up with the others at Kristi's place. It was so good to close the day with all the children gathered there (except Gracie who was on this amazing date :-) Some of them will be heading home tomorrow and some will be staying. Some even have Sunday clothes with them since they packed not knowing if they'd go to Church or to a funeral.
See, the Lord has a plan!! He knows what will happen and He knows that with His help we will be able to make it work. I'm still not at all sure what I should plan for "if he wakes up" but at this point I'm just going to give THANKS for the fact that he IS waking up.
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths".
Thank you Heavenly Father and thank you to each one of you for all your prayers in our behalf. Tomorrow Whispers Joy and Yes, Gracie, it was a GREAT day today.