It's late and I'm pretty beat but I really want to record some of the happenings of today before going to bed. I'm afraid I'll forget things that I need to remember.
Gracie and I ate breakfast and went up to the hospital around 10:30-11:00. Dan was about the same as yesterday. He was getting a fever again and they were trying to make him comfortable. He was quite wiggly and they said he was real restless last night so they had given him some pain medication to help him relax during the night.
Today they had a couple Neurologists come examine him. They were good and asked questions about his history. Then they excused us and did an evaluation. We didn't see their report today but it was relayed to us that they didn't really have any answers. They wondered about his movements being from possible seizures. We'd ruled out a stroke partly from observation and partly from the CAT Scan that was done a few days ago. They didn't think his movements were related to the Parkinson's either. All and all, they really don't know what's happening to him.
One of the Drs. I like the best said that they couldn't explain why he was "slowly deteriating." That was maybe the first acknowledgement that he wasn't getting better like they thought he might. He's basically made no real progress during his stay and he's never shown signs of awareness. We think he hears us and we have seen what we think are tears at times. But, the longer he's in the coma, the harder it is on him to come out of it and the brain function becomes more limited with time.
When I am with him and see his condition, I just want him to have some peace. It's easier at those times to think it would ok for him to pass on. But, when I am gone from him, I just want nothing more than for him to get better and come home with me. I realize that wish is for myself and not for him, but I can't help wishing it... That is until I see him again. Then it starts all over and want some relief for him.
The Dr. said that his kidneys are making a lot of water so they have to keep a lot of water going into him so they don't stop functioning again. However, all the water is settling in his arms and hands and they are really swollen. His right hand is huge and hard. It can't be good.
I was going to leave to go back home tomorrow. I feel bad leaving Tessha and Alisha at home and not being there with them. I also had thought I'd be able to work a few days and then return to SL. But, when we were talking to the Drs. tonight they strongly encouraged me to stay in SL. In fact, Jutta, my angel nurse asked if she could get my stay at The Kimball extended for me. She called them and they will let me stay here until Thursday but thought they could extend it past that if I needed. So, I won't be going home anytime soon and perhaps they are right about me needing to be around.
They were going to take his breathing tube out a couple of days ago, but they kept putting it off. They had thought that he'd start responding soon after the dialysis. When he didn't they thought it best to keep the tube in to protect the air-way. They had hoped he would regain that ability on his own, but he hasn't. They were going to take it out today but again they thought he would be at risk for asperating without it.
They asked if he had ever mentioned what he would like to happen if he were unable to tell us. I told them about his will and his wish for no artifical life support other than food and water. It was then that they said they would remove the tube tomorrow and see how he would do without it. They have all been wonderful and I couldn't have asked for better care, either in knowledge or in compassion. They truely care about him.
Gracie and I came back to our room and have called the kids to tell them about the decision to remove the tube tomorrow. We don't know what will happen from that point on but we will wait upon the Lord and his timing. He knows what is best for all of us and we don't want anything other than that.