The Dan Diaries

One Year Later

2011-01-25T12:50:00.000-08:00

I've just reread all of the Dan Diary blogs and transferred them to word documents. I plan to burn a disk of them for Dan for Valentine's Day. It was amazing year full of ups and downs and with miracles all along the way; from almost losing Dan in this life to having him back well and whole again.
At his last Salt Lake VA appointment the Neurologist diagnosed "No Parkinson's and No Alzheimer's" Those were both incorrect diagnoses given because of the Lithium. The lack of absorption of the drug in Dan's body presented itself as symptom's of both illnesses. However, over the past year he has regained his health and most of his physical abilities.
I can't thank the Lord enough for returning Dan to us and for improving his life in the process. I am also so very grateful for our children who have stood beside us through it all. I have seen much growth and unity in our family over the year and I so appreciate having them as involved as they are. I think I can say that all of our testimonies have increased as we've come closer to the Lord, pleading for our husband and father.

I want to bear my testimony that I know our Father in Heaven knows us and loves us and is close as we travel through our earthly life here. He hears and answers our prayers in the way best for us. I know our Savior lives! I know He is our Mediator and He pleads for us before our Father. I know that through the Resurrection we can live again and that through the Atonement we can live in the presence of the Lord. Through the holy sealing power of the Priesthood we can live together as families throughout eternity. There is nothing I want more than to be with Dan and our family forever. And I am so grateful that we have lived together this past year and will enjoy more time together in the future. I bear this witness in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Making Progress

2011-01-02T19:25:00.000-08:00

Dan goes to therapy twice a week and works on his exercises everyday at home. A couple of weeks ago he picked up a new toy. Really, it's a toy!
He uses one like it with the OT and so he decided he could have one at home to do the same exercises on. Needless to say it was a hit at Christmas time when all the little ones came home.

You've gotta love that kind of therapy!

NEWS FLASH!! NEWS FLASH!!!

2010-12-18T16:32:00.000-08:00

Last Friday Dan and I made the trip back to the Salt Lake VA for a follow up appointment with Neurology. I always enjoy the trips to SL because it's totally undivided time with Dan. We left early that morning and took our time because the roads were rather slick - at least till we got to about Brigham City. After that the sun was shinning and it was a lot warmer down there. The snow had turned to rain and everything looked so pretty.

We saw a new Neurologist (one we hadn't seen before) and we both really liked him. He checked Dan out pretty good, gave him the usual Parkinson's and Alzhiemer's check list. Dan did really well on both counts. Although when he was walking down the hall the doctor turned to me and asked, "Does he always walk like that?" I told him "Yes, especially since he's fallen so many times." It looks like a rather LARGE duck on a slick surface. CUTE!! On the memory test he was able to remember all the previously taught words and could even spell "ocean" backwards. I was really impressed with that one because I was still trying to figure out what comes after "n".

Then the doctor called in another Neurologist (older gentleman who'd been around for a while). He gave Dan another "1,2" and declared that DAN DOESN'T HAVE PARKINSON'S NOR ALZHIEMER'S!!! Again, it was the Lithium that was presenting as such. They took him off all meds for those two disorders and sent us both home very, very happy!!

(Of course, we spent the night in Orem where Mark, Peggy, Omaei, Kalani, Haini, Kristi, Sitani, Marley and Elijah all joined us for dinner at the Asian Buffet and swimming at the hotel afterwards. We just had to celebrate the good news!!!)

The Birthday Boy Hits 60 While Hitting the Floor

2010-08-08T19:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, the Birthday Boy hit 60 this week, but only hours before he hit the floor.
Dan was sleeping peacefully in his bed when he woke up and decided to turn off his box fan sitting on the floor. However, he didn't quite turn it off like he intended to. Instead, he fell on it and it turned off never to turn back on again.
In the process of falling he tried to catch himself with his only "good" arm, the left one, which resulted in him throwing his shoulder out of joint. Immediately after that his head hit the hardwood floor and splat! It was not a pretty scene.

When he screamed, I came running to find him face down and unable to move. He was yelling and I was trying to help him up. Everything hurt!! Finally we got him rolled over and slowly we got him up. I gave him a cloth with ice in it to hold on his head but since his shoulder was in great pain and the right hand doesn't work so good, he had a real hard time keeping the ice in place.

We got him to the emergency room where they gave him a nice shot to put him to sleep while they worked on him. They put the shoulder back in place while I was watching and I didn't even know they had done it. The nurse said, "Well, the shoulder's back in place." and I said, "Wow, that was fast." Then they stitched his head. That took a lot longer. They had to put 5 stitches in the cut because it was so deep and 13 on top to hold it together.

When he woke up (I was begining to wonder if he would wake up) they let me take him home. I cleaned him up and changed his clothes and he laid down for a few minutes while I cleaned up. Cleaning up his floor was like cleaning up a crime scene. YUCK!! But, we had an early morning (8:00) appointment with the hearing clinic in Pocatello and needed to be there.

We hurried the best we could and we were just a little late for the appointment. I didn't think it was too bad for having spent the night in the ER.

After the appointment we went to breakfast at Perkins in Pocatello and took an Apple Pie home for Dan's birthday. It was good breakfast and it was good to relax for a few minutes that morning.

Back home, Dad laid down and I changed clothes to go to work at the pharmacy. We had a piece of pie that night when I got home and then Dad finished it off the next day.

Some days are just like that; but it's usually not on your 60th birthday.

Here are some pictures of Dan. Which one do you like the most?

Three Months Later ~ and Great News!!!

2010-07-13T14:10:00.000-07:00

Lots has happened over the past three months and most of it has been great. Dan continues with his therapy, works hard at his exercises, gives his very best to all he tries to do and he's come a long way! Here are a few pictures of him with his PT Derk (Jolene's son-in-law, Jody's husband).
Derk was wonderful with Dan and helped him a lot but his services have been discontinued by the VA. We are in hopes of getting more PT services soon. However Aaron, his OT continues to come to the house twice a week (when we're home). Today, they explored the garden and Dan helped cut down the lettuce. They brought it in the house and washed it all off. My guess is we're having a salad for dinner tonight.

We went to SL for a re-evaluations with the Neurologist and the OT on June 11. The OT was very impressed with what Dan is now able to do with his hand. She worked with us for a couple of hours and showed Dan several new exercises to do to help loosen up the fingers. After the Neurologist examined him she suggested we get an x-ray of his shoulder and do a test on his arm to see where there might be damage to his nerves. Those have yet to be scheduled by the VA but we'll try to stay on top of them both.

We also went to see Dr. Kearl in Pocatello again last week. Dr. K examed Dan and made some suggestions for the hand/arm as well. He took lots of time with us and then said, "I'm pretty sure you don't have Parkinsons." WOW!! We are both so excited that he's going to be ok. Dr. K said that his slowness is more from his hesitency to move for fear of a fall and from muscle weakness. He thinks that in time Dan will regain his use of his hand and the brain will also clear out of the lithium.

We're talking about possible missions when I can retire. Anyway, it's been a busy couple of months and you can catch up on all the other exciting adventures we've endeavored since Dan's come home on our other blogsite: www.thetallandtheshortofitall@blogspot.com.

Sunday, April 11

2010-04-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

Wow, the weeks just seem to slip right by again. Things are settling down great here at home. Dan works on his exercises everyday and when I come home to show them all to me. He really is getting stronger every day. He even went to Church today ~ all three hours. I helped him get ready this morning before I went to the pharmacy and he went with Tessha and Alisha. I'm so proud of him!!! No pictures, just lots of love!!

Saturday, March 3 ~Easter Eve

2010-04-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's Easter Eve and although we don't have any little children at home to hide eggs or baskets with and no new Sunday clothes to wear we are forever grateful for the miracle of the Savior's resurrection. Literally, it touches close to home as we continue to celebrate the return of Dan. We know he was in the hands of the Lord and that our prayers were answered in his return to us. Also, to sit and listen to the Prophets and Apostles speak from the pulpit has been an awe inspiring experience.
Why is it that the Conference sessions seem so short whereas they used to seem so long? Regardless, as far as I'm concerned, General Conference could last for days.

One of the things Dan had me do as soon as he was settled in his new room was to put up his picture wall. Tada....

Than he went to reading all the family blogs from his bed. He's missed a lot of blogs but has been very busy catching up on them all now. As much as he loves reading the blogs he really loves making comments. He has been working the muscles in his right hand especially hard this past week just so he can start doing that again. Work it Daddy!
And the highlight of the day was when Dan and I got dressed up, went out to dinner and then to the Priesthood session of Conference. He wanted me to go with him just in case he needed to leave a little early and come home. Since I was with him we both sat out in the foyer on the couch but we still had a great view of the monitor in the chapel.Wonderful Easter Eve!

Sunday, March 28 - Karly's Baptism Day

2010-03-28T14:32:00.000-07:00

Coming Home from Church - Doesn't he look great?

Oops, I missed some days in there, didn't I! Sorry about that.
Actually, things are going very well. Friday, the Social Worker, Tyler came by and said that he would set up things with the VA for Dan. I got to meet Aaron, the OT in the drive way as he was leaving and I was coming home. He seems like a very nice guy who had some great ideas for Dan. He thought that the swelling in the hand was from lack of movement. Dan's pretty protective of it since it's been the source of much pain. However, he suggested that keeping it moving would keep the swelling down. And true to the test, Dan has been bending the fingers and making a much of a fist as possible. He's getting pretty good at it, too. Aaron will come by three times a week for a while and will help provide things like handles by the toilet and tub.

And guess who was inside when I went in. Dirk Andreson, Jolene's son-in-law and Jody's husband. He's going to be Dan's PT. Now, can you even ask for better. I said not. We are so excited to have him coming and helping Dan learn to get around again.

The nurse came by later and took his blood pressure, temperature and listened to his heart and lungs. She checked his feet which were white compared to the terrible blue that they've been.

Everyone is very nice and I'm sure will be a great support to Dan as he recuperates.
We are so very thankful for all the help.

Perhaps I was just tired or maybe forgetful when I went to bed without a post but we are doing great.

Saturday a nurse's aid came by and helped Dan shower and he looked so good when he was done. What a great way to start a Saturday. Dan continues to work on making a fist with his right hand. He's getting up to go to the bathroom when he really needs to. He also has a little urinal by his bed for those times when it's just too hard to get up. He still needs some support as he walks with the cane but he's getting stronger all the time. He knows to stop when he's dizzy and to go when he's comfortable. He's eaten at the table with us at least once a day and then I try to take his breakfast into his room.

A good friend of mine from school, Jackie, got us one of the nicer rectangular tables on wheels that they use at the hospitals. It's been wonderful to roll over to his bed or chair.

Then today he thought we should try to go to Church. I was pleased. It's been so long since either one of us was there. I had thought about going but didn't want to leave him home alone. And then he said, "Let's just go." We decided that I would wait at home with him and get him ready during RS and SS time and then we would try to be there before Sacrament started. Well, we tried pretty hard and if I hadn't forgotten to give him his noon meds before we left, and if we didn't have to turn around and go home for them, we might have made it before Sacrament. As it was, we got there just as people were going into the chapel. Dan made his way slowly but we were seated when the meeting began.

Being Fast and Testimony Meeting, Dan told me that he'd like to bear his testimony and asked me to go with him to the stand and stay beside him while he spoke. He was the second one to bear testimony and he did so in his strong and fervent manner. He expressed thanks to the ward for all the help they have provided, meals, prayers, comfort. And he bore witness that the Lord lives and loves and provides for us. He was kind and appreciative.

When he returned to the congregation, Pres. Reilly and Brother Park took him gently and helped him to his seat. Again, those Righteous Nephi warriors were by his side. It so reminded me of the morning we left home. Brother Cowley was in the rear and helped him to the car after the meeting. I can so see in my mind's eye a beautiful picture in a forest type setting where three Nephi warriors dressed in the amour of Priesthood gently and kindly carry a wounded warrior off the battlefield to the safety of the trees. Oh, that I were an artist! How I'd love to present to each of them a copy of this picture.

Dinner is done and Dan is resting on his bed. I will return to my room to work on Gracie's temple apron. Our home teachers are coming later. It is a good day!!!

Thursday, March 25

2010-03-25T21:34:00.001-07:00

I couldn't tell what day of the week it was most of today. It felt like Tuesday some of the time and like Friday some of the time. Some of the time I was right when I thought it was Thursday. I guess being back home with the Salt Lake thing behind us has stirred the pot in my head. I'm going to try real hard to remember that tomorrow is Friday and I don't work at the pharmacy again until Monday. Maybe by then I'll be straightened out.

It was wonderful to see and talk with Dan this morning when I got up. We had some things to take care of so it gave us a little time together. He is so patient waiting for help that it makes it all the sweeter to help him. I think I'm going to like that time each day. However, I am going to have to get up earlier to get it in before I leave. I'm so used to just getting up, taking care of me and going that this will require a little more time. But then, that's just what I wanted - more time with Dan.

The nurse from Creekside came over to assess Dan's needs today. Bless Tessha's heart for being here, answering questions and taking notes for me. I'm not sure how it will all works out, but I know it will. Dan is doing well enough that many of the concerns we had (wheelchair, widening the doors, etc.) will not be necessary. The PT will come tomorrow and see what we need for him to get around in the house. Thanks to Bill and Jeanne we now have a tub chair so bathing is going to work out good. We truly have been extremely blessed and we are forever grateful.

I'm off to bed now because tomorrow is Friday!!

Wednesday, March 24

2010-03-24T21:22:00.001-07:00

This is the day we've been waiting for. After 58 days of The Dan Diaries and 49 days with Dan in Salt Lake we are finally blogging that all is well again. DAN IS HOME!! We got his things all packed up, put on the awesome "BALTIMORE" jacket that Daniel and Dalynn sent for him,

checked him out of the Rehab Center, got him in the car and we enjoyed a nice ride home together. The last time we were in the car together he was unconscious and I no idea if we'd ever ride in a car together again, not to mention if he'd ever be awake again. Today we talked about what was ahead of us and gave thanks for the extra time with each other. We also talked with several of the children on the phone. I think we are all extremely grateful to still have Dan with us. Thanks to all the prayers and blessings and to a kind and loving Father who hears and answers those prayers.
Dan is now settled in a smaller but just as nice room upstairs where I can be close by. We got a monitor tonight so the girls can hear him downstairs and I can hear him in my room, too. My Visiting Teachers brought us in a wonderful dinner and we had a nice visit and then after dinner the High Priest Presidency came over to welcome Dan home. We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives!!!
Here is the "Before" and the "After".

WELCOME HOME DAN
WE LOVE YOU

Tuesday, March 23

2010-03-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

I'm here in SL again and it seems like it's been forever since I was with Dan. It was so good to see him tonight. He was sitting up in his bed watching some TV. That's the first time I've seen him do that since before he was admitted. Perhaps it's not the first time he's done it but it was still nice to watch the "normalcy" of it all.

We had a nice visit and he told me how he was grateful to be coming home. He was very kind about what the family has done to help him. We also talked about some things he'll need at home. He suggested a "tub chair" that his roommate Maloy told him about. Ta Da... we now have a "tub chair" on the back seat of our car THANKS TO BILL AND JEANNE NELSON!!! They were so kind to let us use a seat Jeanne had bought for her mother. It's like brand new and will be perfect for Dan. Another problem solved. Besides, I got to see Shauna(spelling??) Nelson for a few minutes when I picked up the chair at her apt. Thank you!!!

Beth, the Willow Wood Care Center Social Worker had not send in the Aid and Assistance application that I completed and left for her over a month ago. It was still in Dan's dresser drawer tonight. I have spoken to her several times about it but... She's supposed to be going on vacation, but hopefully she'll be there tomorrow when we check Dan out. I'm really hoping that she'll be able to take care of it tomorrow. If not, Dan had the idea to take it right up to the VA hospital on our way out of town. Now, that sounds like a good idea.

Also, several (almost all) of the clothes I've brought down for Dan have disappeared. They may be in the laundry, but since someone else's shirt was hanging in his closet, I have to wonder where his clothes are hanging. We'll sort it all out tomorrow.

His right hand is swollen up again and there is a lot of dry skin on the palm. The therapist doesn't know why it swells up and then goes down and then swells up again. I hope we can find an answer to that soon. He has a hard enough time using it when it's not swollen and I'm mostly concerned about taking him home and not having a good dr. nearby. We could be "up a creek" again.

I can't believe the time has finally come for Dan to return home. He's excited and so are we. One more night.

Tomorrow whispers joy and today is going to be a great day!! Jamba Juice anyone?

Monday, March 22

2010-03-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

Today Dan said that he was able to touch his right thumb to the index finger and he could feel both of them. He's excited to come home and we are soooo excited to have him come home. Tomorrow I go down and Wednesday we BOTH come home. YEAH!! I still have to say, "Thank you, Heavenly Father for letting him extend his mission a little longer. We still need him."

Sunday, March 21

2010-03-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

I know the time is drawing near when Dan will return home with us, but today was especially hard since it was Sunday (a day I normally would have spent with him) and because I wasn't working. It's easier to not think about it when I'm busy with work; pharmacy or school.

However, today I did get to pick up Amanda here in IF and take her back to Logan. Penny's back in the hospital, this time in Logan and Amanda needed a ride home, so...
we headed out of town around noon and enjoyed a nice ride. The weather was wonderful with sunshine and low winds. Somewhere close to Preston we called Willow Wood and talked with Dan. He was back from lunch and laying down in his room. He sounded good and we talked about what the plan to get him home this week. He said he has the strength in his legs now and can stand alone but he still has trouble walking because of balance. He has to have someone close by to help him. He said the PT was telling him that he will probably get movement back in his right hand but that it might take a while still. He can't grip and has to eat left handed. We talked about putting up a hand rail in the hall and also about using a four-footed cane. He knew a walker wouldn't help because he can't hold onto the right side enough to keep it from tipping to the left. When we get him home we'll be able to see just what we need to do to help him here. At least his room is ready for him.

We picked up some things from the apt. that Penny needed at the hospital and then we went on over. When we got there Granma, Kelly and Julia were all there. We had a real nice visit with everyone and then I headed home. I think I'll work a little on Gracie's apron and then turn into bed. Tomorrow is a full day again!! But Tuesday is just around the corner. :)

Saturday, March 20

2010-03-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

I just got home from the pharmacy and called to say good night to Dan, but he's already asleep!! I missed my chance. The nurse asked if I wanted to leave a message in case he wakes up later and I asked her to tell him that I love him!!

Only two more days before I get to see him again and three more days till I bring him home. Miracles~

Friday, March 19

2010-03-19T21:33:00.000-07:00

It's late but I'm done. With the help of Bishop and Brother Anderson we were able to actually finish everything we needed to do today. I started early cleaning out Alisha's room and although it felt like it took forever, I did finally get it done.

I had three bags close by and things either went into the DI bag, the packing bag or the trash bag. We moved her things downstairs and arranged the room upstairs for Dan. Bishop stopped by and moved the vanity into the van to take to the DI and the desk into the garage. And with Mike's help they moved Dan's chair from downstairs up into his new room and Alisha's boxes into the garage. After that, all we had to do was make the beds. I'd kept the washer and dryer going straight since 10:00 or so this morning and the bedding was the last to come out.

Around 2:00 the nurse from Willow Wood called to say that they were changing one of Dan's meds. His blood pressure has been really low and they think it's because of the prostrate medication. They are going to try another prescription to see if it will work without affecting his blood pressure. He'll be on it for a week or two. I hope they'll have a dr. in Poc. for him to see by then. I tried to ask if I could talk to him, but she hurried and said goodbye before I got it out.

Regardless, I'm pretty excited that we were able to do the rearranging today. I have to work in the pharmacy tomorrow afternoon and I won't have to worry about his new room again till he gets home and we find out what he'll really need.

Thursday, March 18

2010-03-18T14:01:00.000-07:00

It's one day closer to Friday, again. But, this time I'm don't get to go to SL to see Dan. I'm already missing that time but I'm trying to focus my thoughts on getting the house ready to bring him home next Wednesday.

There's so much to do here that it will take all the time I can give it. I'm going to begin tomorrow by cleaning out Alisha's room. That may take a month? Hopefully, just one day because that's about all the time I have to give it. On Saturday, we'll do a through cleaning, ceiling down to hard-wood floor and then we'll put the furniture he'll need back in. I work in the Pharmacy Saturday afternoon and I really don't want to be doing this on the one Sunday that I have to go to Church. So, we will work quickly to get it done.

The exciting part of the day came early this morning. I was in my classroom at 6:30when my cell phone rang. It was Dan!! He was calling to wish me good morning and give me the good news that the Urologist had examined him and said, "Well, you're good to go." Take it as you like, it's still good news. That's the appointment that he had yesterday. I thought it was an appointment with the Neurologist but it was the Urologist.

He also told me that the PT has him sitting in the wheelchair and reaching out to a "ballet bar", holding on and trying to lift himself out of the chair. His right hand still doesn't work right and he can't grab with it yet. He's trying to lift himself out with only his left hand/arm. He said he could do it 5 times but no more. He asked for patience because he still isn't as strong as he'd like to be. Can you imagine. We're just so grateful to have him with us. He also said that his balance is still off a bit. He said he tends to lean on the person who's walking with him. He's walking, right? Miracle of miracles. He's walking!

I'm getting nervous about bringing him home and hoping that the Poc. VA will provide the help that he needs. I know I'm worrying about things I don't know, but the history there hasn't been great and currently I'm not too reassured that it will get better. We'll just wait to see and then turn to Plan B if it doesn't work.

I tried to call Bill and Jeanne Nelson to thank them for their letter, offers of help and the gift they sent. I had to leave a message but hope to reach them soon. Jeanne has a chair that she bought for her mother to use in the bathtub. She's offered to let us use it if we'd like. I think we'll take her up on her offer. It is so kind of her to think of us. I will treasure her letter for a long time.

Will just sent me an email about a blog written by the mother of a little boy who drowned, went into a coma and after many days has returned to life. It's a great story and I'll include the blog site here for anyone else interested in reading her story. It reminded Will and me of Dan's story. Here is her blog site http://stakerzxposed.blogspot.com/ and you can also read the story at: http://www.ldsmag.com/people/100317miracle.html. You'll have to copy and paste since I don't know how to add a link right here. Anyway, it's a wonderful story of faith and testimony. Thank you, Will! Thank you for everything, especially your thoughts and faith in the Lord. You were right on!

Well, it's time to get to the Pharmacy so I'll leave it here for the day. Tomorrow I'll get back with dirt on my hands, laundry in my basket and dust in my hair. You've just gotta love it. I love you!

Wednesday, March 17

2010-03-17T20:39:00.001-07:00

This is going be a short one tonight. I called Dan this morning but he was gone to a Neurologist appointment. I didn't realize that he had one today, but I'm glad they're stay on top of things! I guess I'll find out what they said later.

I called Bobby Hackworth and left a message that I'd be bringing Dan home on the
24th. She called back to say that she'd sent over a nurse from Creekside to see what he needed when he got home. I sure hope we're not going to be dumped on by the VA again. I'm a little nervous that they won't really be of much help for us when Dan gets home.

Blessing!!! In the mail today there was a sweet note from Bill and Jeanne Nelson. They are Mark's parents and although Dan and I don't get to see them too often; weddings, baby showers, etc. some of our kids have spent quite a bit of time in their home with Mark and Laura. Well, Jeanne wrote this very kind letter and offered us a bathtub chair that she had bought for her mother but didn't need anymore. She offered to help in any other way we might need and I so appreciate her kindness. She also included some cash for us. I still cry when I think of it. It is too late tonight so I'll call her tomorrow. She mentioned that she was on her way to the temple and would put Dan's name on the prayer roll, too. WOW!! One of her last statements was "Life definitely mixes the blessings in amongst the trials." She's right. Life is full of trials but it's the wonderful people we know who bring the blessings; people like Bill and Jeanne.
Well, it's late and I need to braid Alisha's hair for her track meet tomorrow so I'll go and get that done. My bed is calling me tonight.
Love you all!!!

Tuesday, March 16

2010-03-16T20:37:00.000-07:00

Good news!!! Good news!!!
I didn't get to talk to Dan today, but... (of course, that's not the good news)
Drum roll... tada... The catheter and foley are out!!! YEAH! Good going, Dan. Oops, that doesn't sound exactly appropriate, does it? I don't mean literally, but I'm excited for him. He's wanted that out since he woke and found out it was there. Now, freedom. I know it sounds silly to be so excited over that little thing, but it also means that he'll be able to handle being home better now. I was just a little worried about it being in and him coming home and having problems. But, nada nada.

Also it was the reason for the infection that's caused the low grade fever he's had most of the time. Now they are giving him antibiotics for the infection and he'll actually be able to get over it.

Small steps toward improvement means HE'S GETTING BETTER!!!
One week from today and I'll be going down to get him and bring him back home.
Who ever said miracles don't happen anymore? Let this be a testament - they do!! and the Lord continues to bless our lives. Dan's awake, alive and coming home.

I just listened to my cell phone messages and guess what. The first one was from Dan!! I couldn't believe it. He said he was just calling to tell me that he loves me and appreciates what I do. He told me how good it feels to have the catheter out and the fever gone. He did say that he still isn't too strong but that's ok. It will come with time and therapy. Wow, I probably won't delete that message for a long time. At least not until I can hear him in person.

Monday, March 15

2010-03-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

Every week has it's Monday and today was this ones. I don't mind Mondays at all. Actually, it's usually the day I have the most energy. After that it starts to fade.

I talked with Dan this afternoon. I think it was more of a bother for the nurses because one asked, "Don't they have a phone in that room?" Without a phone, they have to get Dan up from the bed, in a wheelchair and take him to the phone. Then they have to take him back and put him back to bed. I know it's a hassle for them, but I really wanted to check on him so I asked them to get him for me.

He said his hand is waking up. He has feeling in all by the little finger now. However, it still really hurts him and he needs pain meds for it. He had OT therapy again today but he didn't say much about it. He did say that they had given him some pain meds last night and he finally got some good sleep. They haven't taken out the foley and catheter. I talked to them about taking it out last night before I left, but they are hestitant to do it. He had a fever today and I think it's probably from an track infection. He's battled them ever since he had it put in. I do wish they could take it out and get him on some antibotics for the infection. Perhaps I'm just impatient, but I am.

Before we hung up, he told me over and over that he loved me and thanked me a hundred times for my help. He said, "No matter if our plan doesn't work, please know how much I love you." That was kind of scary because I thought our plan was working and wondered what he knows that I don't know. Honestly, I don't know and he kept reassuring me that he loves me. I'll leave it there.

Sunday, March 14

2010-03-14T20:24:00.000-07:00

Home again,home again, jigitity jig. I won't go any further because I think it says something about a pig going home. Pig or not, I am home again; another weekend with Dan at it's end. I'm getting good at packing and unpacking quickly. I've learned that I don't need much on these trips and it's lots easier when I get home to leave some of my things in the suitcase for the next week.

Next week? Just the thought of it make me sad. I'm not going down next weekend. I'm going to stay home and get the bedroom ready for Dan. However, I am going down on the following Tuesday and will bring him home on Wednesday. By then it will have be 49 days since he's been home. That's just short of the number days he was gone on Reforger when we were in the army. I thought it was a long time back then and I'm sure it's a long time now. It's going to be so nice to have him home.Well, we'll wait till he gets here to shout Hurrah. This weekend was good enough for now.

Today I went to the Home and worked on my computer while he was at lunch. I couldn't wait till someone brought him back to his room so I went and got him when he was done with his lunch. He wasn't feeling very good today. He said he didn't sleep good last night so he rested while I worked on my computer. However, before he went to sleep he wanted me to read him the blogs from this past week. Obviously, it didn't take nearly as long as last Sunday when we read them all.

He reminded me of Robert Hulet's name and of the second thing he told me that I had forgotten. He said that it was about his right hand. It was beginning to heal and he had more feeling in his fingers. (I told you he would remember and he could tell me, even if I couldn't remember at all.)

Like I said, he didn't feel too chiper today so I worked on the 2009 blogs - three more to go while he slept. He was having some pain in his hand so I told the nurse and she gave him some ibuprofen for it. I hope it helps him. They also said they'd make sure he had some more before bed so he could sleep tonight.

I headed home around 5:00 and it was still light when I got home at 8:00. It wasn't snowing or raining, but there was a cold wind all day. We went to daylight savings time today. Spring is coming!!!

Saturday, March 13

2010-03-13T15:37:00.000-08:00

I'm back at the room a little earlier tonight. Dan was getting ready to go to dinner and I want to go to Provo and spend a little time with Kristi and the kids. Haini is working tonight. I actually just came back to get the gift that the Christiansen's sent for my "grandkids". I didn't have it with me when I saw them last night so I'll get it to them tonight. Here is a picture of the darling crayons that Alexis, Lucy and Chase and Candice made for Sitani, Marley and Elijah. They're going to have so much fun with these.

This morning it was raining really hard and now it's snowing lightly. Of course, I pack my coat every weekend except this one. Oh well. I do hope it's not snowing tomorrow because I don't particularly enjoy driving on slick roads.

I had lunch with Dan at the Care Center and we sat with another couple who live there. The gentleman (I'll have to remember his name later)(Sunday- Dan says his name is Robert Hulet)had grown up in Pocatello so I told him about how both sets of my grandparents lived there. I told him I used to visit them in the summers. I asked him if he knew where Walker Monuments on 5th S. was. He said that he did and I told him that my mother's family lived in the basement house next door. He said, "The Allison's owned it." and I said, "Yes, that's my mom's family." He knew Uncle Dean real well because Dean's wife, Aunt Joyce is his sister-in-laws sister. (I think that's how it went.) Anyway, he knew about Dean working at Martin's and laying carpet with Fred. It was very fun to meet him and hear his stories about Dean.

After lunch we went back to Dan's room where he rested most of the afternoon. I read my book and we visited now and then when he would wake up. He was having some pain because he was passing clots in the catheter. They said they will take out the foley tomorrow morning and then practice getting him up to go to the bathroom. The clots are probably from an infection and it won't heal up with the foley in. Hopefully, that will go smoothly. It's one of the big steps left.

I was able to get a copy (partial copy) of the Dr. report from Thursday and the Neurologist said that the new diagnosis is "Possible Drug induced Parkinson's". They are speculating that the Lithium has caused Parkinson's like symptoms but they aren't sure. So, because the Sinemet appears beneficial Dan will continue with the current dosage. He also said that the "weakness is likely lingering weakness from hospital." He recommends continued OT/PT, remove the foley catheter and continue Sinemet. Dan has an appointment for a Movement Disorder on June 11.

Here is a picture of Dan's night stand. It's fun because the pictures are from home, the apples are from Paunie, the white card from Gwenevere and the flowers from Bev and Julie. Sitani drew Dan a picture of the Holy Ghost. Can you see the "Hole"? Marley painted him a beautiful pink picture and Grace hung up her 7th grade Student Body card so that she was included on the Wall of Fame.

I'd better get headed down to Provo before it gets any later. I need to see the Sugies~~

I'm back and here are the Sugie kids with fun, new crayons.

Thank you Alexis, Lucy, Chase and Candice!!

Friday, March 12

2010-03-12T20:25:00.000-08:00

No, it's not Thursday anymore. It's Friday and I'm love it. I'm in SL tonight and I've spent the afternoon/evening with Dan. He's doing so well. He was sleeping when I got there so I just sat in a chair and read my book until he started waking up. I didn't want to disturb him till he was really ready to wake up, so I just watched as he turned side to side and slowly opened his eyes. As soon as he saw me I jumped up to go to him and he said, "Oh, hello. How long have you been there?" I assured him that I wasn't there very long but was glad he was awake.

I sat on his bed and we talked about everything that had happened this last week. He was able to share information from his Dr. appointments and he followed my talk about what's going on at home. It was great to be able to communicate again.

His right hand is slightly swollen again and although they've taken x-rays and determined that it's not broken, something still isn't right with it. I rubbed eucalyptus lotion on both of his arms and hands. They were so dry and he said it felt good to have them rubbed.

Gracie, Stephen and his brother Chris stopped by. Gracie had been tending Jace in CA with Laura this past week. Mark was getting home today so Gracie and Jace flew into Phoenix where Mark picked up Jace and Gracie came on into SL. Stephen and Chris picked her up at the airport and came over to visit Dan. It was fun to see them but while we were visiting, Dan had to go to dinner. Soon after that the Sugies also came up to visit. We had quite the family gathering and when Dan was done eating he joined all of us in the Family Room.

After everyone left, we got Dan ready for bed and when he was tucked in I headed back to my room.

Hey Gracie, "Today was a GOOD day."

Thrusday, March 11

2010-03-11T20:58:00.001-08:00

Now it's really Thursday and tomorrow I get to go see Dan. I'm so tired tonight that I don't quite have the umph to be excited but I'm sure I'll get there by tomorrow morning. I was going to pack tonight but even that can happen in the morning.

I called the Rehab. Center today around 2:30 to see how Dan's appointment with the neurologist went, but he wasn't back to the Home yet. I knew I was going to be at the pharmacy till much too late to talk to him, so I guess we'll talk about it tomorrow.

I'm going to bed now so I can be rested when I make the drive down.
Good night.

Wednesday, March 10 ~ It's Thursday, right???

2010-03-10T20:57:00.000-08:00

It's Thursday, right??? Please, it's Thursday? I'm so excited to go to SL and see Dan again that I think I can't wait more than just tonight. If I'm not careful, I'll get up in the morning and head south instead of north.

I got to talk to him today and he sounds soooo good. He said Cornell was there and they had just gone outside for a little bit. It's been beautiful down there so I'm sure they enjoyed the fresh air. Thank you Cornell!! Also, he said that Julie and Bev had stopped by to visit him. I'm so glad that he's had visitors. I'm sure he really appreciates it, too. Thank you Julie and Bev. I just wish I had been there to visit with you, too.

He said the Therapist had him up and walking for short distances today. He's getting stronger in his legs and he can tell it. He said the X-ray on his arm showed no breaks but there's some pretty damaged tissue there.

We talked about him coming home in a couple of weeks and what he's going to need. He seems to be thinking pretty well about things and he had some suggestions. I'm excited to have him upstairs for a while.

And.... drum roll.... ta,da!!! Guess what was in the mail today. Yap, you're right... a little yellow envelope, sweet card that said, "Hope this helps with your next trip to see your sweetheart." Another gift card and some more cash. Even if I never believed in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a Fairy Godmother or any other fictitious hero, I know there is goodness all around us. Thank you someone!!! and thank you everyone!!! We have been so extremely blessed this past month! Thank you, Heavenly Father.

Oh my goodness! I just went into the kitchen and there is ANOTHER WONDERFUL dinner from the Christensen's. I admit, I ate some before I returned to the computer but Thank You Christensens. WOW!!

Tuesday, March 9 - Dalynn's Birthday

2010-03-09T21:32:00.000-08:00

It's Tuesday night and it's getting later as it goes but I didn't want to go to bed without posting about Dan today. The bummer side of it is that I didn't get to talk to him again. However, I talked with quite a few other people about him.

I talked with Bobbi Hackworth, the Social Worker at the Pocatello VA and she was a big help. She said to let her know a few days before we bring him home and she'll send a team up to do a house assessment to determine what we'll be needing. She really seemed to know what she was doing and when I said, "You're good at this." She said, "Yap, I've been doing it for a long time." We talked about PT and OT therapy, respite care, home health care and something else that I can't remember right now. I think she'll really help us get things together when we know what we'll need.

I also talked with Beth Starr, the Social Worker at the Nursing Home and she said she'd get the applications for Home Health and Respite and Aid and Assistance going. She also said that at their meeting today they talked about Dan's progress and said the OT had him up working on balance and walking. They took another x-ray of his right arm/hand today but she didn't know the results of that yet.

I told her I'm looking at picking him up on the 24th of March if we can work it out. He can stay until the 25th but I think we'll try for the 24th and get him home and settled.

I came home from the pharmacy tonight to a wonderful, hot, yummy dinner from the Christensen's again. Can you believe it? I am blown away, but I'm full and happy.
Thank you so much!! Tessha say's Amy needs to start a cooking class and she'd sign up. I'll second that!

Some other things happened today, too, but I can't remember what they are. Maybe I'll remember tomorrow.

Anyway, this is what I have from today~ for now. :-)

Monday, March 8

2010-03-08T20:40:00.000-08:00

Not much to say tonight. I didn't even get to talk with Dan today. I called there early this morning and tried to reach the Social Worker. She wasn't in today and the receptionist didn't know anything about how Dan was doing. I thought I'd get a chance to call later in the day, but not so today.

I did call Bobbi Hackworth, the Social Worker at the Poc. VA. She called back around 5:30 but I was at the Pharmacy. She left an encouraging message on my phone as asked me to call her in the morning. I'll try again then. I'm still not real sure what Dan will need when he comes home. He's making progress everyday so who knows how he'll be in a couple of weeks.

An OT friend of mine from work was telling me about a tub bench that is used for a regular tub. It might be something Dan could use, saving remodeling the bathroom right now. It needs to be done, but not yet. She also had some other ideas to explore.

I know he's going to need someone around who can help him but again, how much? I don't know.

I miss talking to him but it's really too late for me to call now. I guess I'll just have to wait till morning. I've got to call Beth Starr back in the morning anyway. Maybe then I'll get to talk to him.

Until then, I'll just go to bed!

Sunday, March 7

2010-03-07T19:57:00.000-08:00

Another full Sunday, but I'll admit I slept in a little this morning. It felt soooo good to take it easy for a while. But soon I was getting anxious to see Dan so I packed up, checked out and headed across town. It's funny how my routine has changed from my normal everyday life to frequent trips to SL. I almost feel at home down there now. I drive down a street knowing what I'm going see next and where I want to go, rather than guessing like I did before all of this. I wondered if in a few years I'll look back and remember driving through Salt Lake City. You know how when you have a flashback of somewhere you've been before. Just a thought..

When I got to the Home Dan was not in his room. It almost unnerved me to see his empty, made-bed. Like, "Where is Dan? I want to see him." I guess coming that close to losing him has really made an impact on me and I don't ever want to get that close again ~ at least not for many years to come. Maybe not even then!!

However, all is well and I actually found him in the dinning room having dinner with the other patients. He looked so natural sitting there at a table of four visiting with his roommate, Maloy and another older couple. I could see him in my minds eye sitting at a dinner table with other superintendents and just chatting away about things.

When he saw me he said, "Hi honey, pull up a chair and sit down with us" which I promptly did. Right off he said, "I have three things I want to tell you. I'll tell you now so I don't forget." I got the impression he had given this quite a bit of thought before I'd gotten there so I was excited to hear what he had to say.

"First of all, thanks for coming to visit me all the time. I know I'm not easy to be with but I really appreciate you always coming." I'm sorry to say that I can't remember what the second things was. (And he's worried about his memory.) I'll have to ask him later what it was and he'll remember! The third thing was that he'd been thinking about my dad a lot. He said, "Remember when your dad had his first heart attack? Remember how he couldn't reach his arm out very far and how difficult it was for him to walk? Well, he just kept working on his arm, stretching it out further and further until he could finally make it straight. And he started walking, little bits at a time but he kept at it till he could walk a long ways. I want to be like him that way. He didn't complain, he just kept working at it. I want to be like that, too." Those were the things he wanted to tell me. When I remember, or when he reminds me of the second thing, I'll let you know.

Anyway, I left them to eat their dinners and I went to his room. We had talked on Friday about me reading the Dan Diaries to him so he could hear what had happened to him in a sequential order. He still wanted to do that so I went down and hooked up the laptop. I was pleasantly surprised when I could get a wireless connection without any trouble.

I worked on moving my 2009 blog posts to Word for a while and then I went down to see if he was done eating. He was just patiently waiting for someone to wheel him back to his room. He thought he'd like to sit up in the wheelchair for a little bit while I read so he could see the pictures better.

I started with my other blog post explaining why I was starting The Dan Diaries and then we worked our way right through the whole experience. About halfway through he said he wanted to lay down so we made that change and then I just kept on reading. Now and then he'd say something like "I don't remember that at all." Mostly, he didn't remember anything till he was out of ICU but still at the hospital when Tessha was there. But, he didn't have any idea what she meant when she'd tell him that he was at the VA hospital. Now and then he'd tell me what he could remember about something. He said again today that he could hear me tell him that if he needed "to go" it would be ok. He said he was in the Celestial Room and he could hear me calling his name but he couldn't find me. He said he looked around everywhere but I just wasn't there.

I read right through to last night's post and we were both pretty tired by the end of it. I fed him one of the "peaches and cream" jellos that Haini brought up to the hospital for him and encouraged him to eat the grapes that Paunie brought for him. Then I gave him a drink of Apple Juice that Haini brought and a good bye kiss.

I can't say that it's getting any easier to leave him, but it does help to know that we can visit again next week.
I had a good ride home with nice clear skies till Tremonton where the snow on the ground was getting sparce but the clouds were low. I called Dalynn and told her that I was passing Portage. That was something Dan always like to do wherever we'd pass by. Dalynn grew up there so he'd call her and let her know we were driving by. We had a nice visit tonight and it broke up my drive a bit. Luke also called me and we talked about Karly's baptism. He's going to look at flights for me and let me know if it's something that will work out. Daniel and Dalynn's family are also planning on being there. Should be fun.

Well, I'm home and unpacked and in my pajamas. My post is done, I've read it to Alisha who is sitting here on the floor by me and I'm on my way to bed. Tomorrow will be much earlier than today, for sure!!

Saturday, March 6

2010-03-06T19:10:00.000-08:00

Obviously, Sitani and I had a great time last night and it felt good to sleep in a little this morning. When we did get up we went downstairs for breakfast. The little guy ate a whole waffle. I guess he was hungry. Pretty soon Gracie got here and we visited a little before Kristi and Haini brought Marley and Eli.

After they had left for the Temple, Gracie and I took the kids to the K-Mart around the corner. It was a good way to spend some time. Gracie had to leave to go back to Provo because she was going snowboarding with some friends. She gently asked if I really thought I could take care of all three alone at the pool. Duh? I don't think so. So, we didn't get to go swimming but that was best because they were all pretty tired. We fed them a little lunch and by then Kristi and Haini were back to pick them up.

I've so loved having this time with the kids and grandkids. It's been one of the blessings of it all.

After they all left I headed over to the Nursing home. Dan was aware and eager to talk today. Paunie and Larry had already been there and had left some fruit and cookies for him. He had lots to tell me. I eventually got out a pad of paper and pen to write things down so I wouldn't forget anything. Dan told me he could remember Tessha being with him but he thought they were in Baltimore.

He also told me he had seen himself at the Hawker Funeral Home all laid out in the casket. Only thing was he wasn't dead and he knew it. He could quite figure out to let us know, too. Again, he told me about traveling across the country; being in Colorado and other places. He said he could hear me talking to him and he tried to find me but he couldn't.

He is able to move himself around in his bed a lot better than before. He can use his feet to push himself back up to the top of the bed and he can slowly and painfully turn from side to side. It's hard to watch because you can tell it hurts him, but he just bites his lip and keeps moving. His left hand was a concern for him today. He said the therapist has told him to work on moving the fingers a little. He spend lots of time this afternoon holding his hand up in the air and trying to move the fingers. He says he can tell a difference from before. I think that in time he'll be able to use his right hand again, however he is getting good at feeding himself with his left hand.

He sat up in the chair to eat his dinner and did a pretty good job. He only needed my help getting the last of the soup and apples out of the bowls. It's good to see him eating and gaining his strength back.

I will need to connect with Bobi Hackworth from the VA in Pocatello to start the application for Respite Care. Beth said the other day that she didn't think I needed to start that yet, but we might be bringing him home in a couple of weeks and I'd love to have as much ready for him as we can. Also, the Nursing Home team is meeting on him next Tuesday. I won't be able to be there but I'll talk with Beth afterwards for any information I need. He has an appointment on the 11th with the Neurologist at the VA. I really do wish I could be there for that one, but...

I sure hope we can keep his health care professionals here in SL rather than in Pocatello. I'm really going to push that whenever possible. I think it's essential to him.

Well, I think that does it for another night. I'll add some pictures of when the kids were here this morning and then I'm going to bed. Love you all!!

Friday March 5

2010-03-05T20:11:00.000-08:00

Friday finally came and yes, I was ready!! My bag was packed and my errands were done and I was on the road by 11:00. I thought I was going to run into some snow because the skies were cloudy and drops were starting to fall. But, by the time I got to Pocatello the rain was stopping and the skies were clearing. It wasn't what I'd call "sunny" but I sure felt warm inside just knowing that in a few short hours I would get to see Dan.

I checked into the room and the desk clerk recognized me, told me it was good to have me back and gave me an upgraded room (just to be kind). He even asked how Dan was doing. I really like this place because of things just like that.

As soon as I could I left for the Nursing Home. When I got there Dan was just chilling out on his bed. He said he'd had PT that morning and was pretty tired so I just sat with him and we talked about how things were going. He asked me how he got from the East coast to the West coast. He said he'd gone from one to the other but he didn't know how. I honestly didn't know he'd even done that. I think it might have been a thought he had while he was unconscious. He also said he made the choice to come back. He said he looked for me for a long time but couldn't find me so he fought real hard to come back.

He thought he'd done a lot of traveling and kept asking me if I remember when......

I told him that we'd gone to Baltimore in Oct and he remembered that. I told him we went to St. George after Christmas and he said that was the last thing he remembered. It was soon after we got home from St. George that he became so ill. I tried to tell him that he began not eating, drinking, walking or talking and that one morning I found him on the floor by his bed. He said today that he remembered Dean Cowley being at the house but he didn't know why he was there. He didn't remember the trip to SL, listening to his sisters on the phone or the ER room. Needless to say, he didn't remember the ICU, either. He did remember me telling him to relax and if he needed to go, it would be ok. I think he's remembering little bits of things at a time.

I taped up a bunch of pictures of the family on his wall for him. We talked about each one for a few minutes and he remembered all of them, where we were and what we were doing. He could even name the kids.
After that he tried to sign some papers. He had to use his left hand and it was very difficult for him but he really tired hard. His right hand doesn't work very good and he says he doesn't have any feeling in his right baby finger or ring finger. His hand and arm aren't as sore as they were but they still hurt. He said the PT said it was "waking up slowly".

Beth came in and we talked about filling out the application for assistance. She said to just leave it with her and she would fax it off next week. She's been so helpful and kind. I hope I've done it correctly. Kristi and Haini had come up by then so they signed as witnesses of Dan's signature. They even brought Dan up some yummy treats; apple juice, cheese and crackers and (eat your heart out Alisha-) colored Gold Fish.

We visited a few minutes with Dan's roommate and then turned off Dan's light and covered him up for bed.

The Sugies and I went for a hamburger at Artic Circle. Elijah just couldn't get enough of Kristi's cone. He hung on for quite a while. Look how red his face is. Sitani had his bag packed to stay the night with me and even as I write this, he is jumping on the bed and eating popcorn. While I was adding pictures to the blog, he was taking pictures of our room. He's pretty good with the camera (just like his mom). Here are a few of his shots.

I need to finish this off for the night so that I can play with him. Haini and Kristi are bringing Marley and Elijah back tomorrow and the kids will stay with me while they go to the Temple with some friends. We're going to go swimming and sit in the hot tub while they're here. After that I'll get to go back over to see Dan again.

Sounds like a great weekend for me, uh!!!

Thursday March 4

2010-03-04T21:07:00.001-08:00

It's Thursday night and I'm getting soooo excited!! I'm packing my bag and getting things ready to head out in the morning. I'm going to SL to see my sweetheart. Like Dan always says, "Come Saturday morning I'm going away with my friend." We were married on a Saturday and so it's been a favorite saying between us. Now it's my turn. "Come Saturday morning I'm going away with my friend!" It seems like it's been such a long week until now.

I talked with the PT today and he thought some velco shoes might be good for Dan so I picked some up tonight after work. The nurse also suggested some long sleeve shirts and a sweatshirt. I guess he's been getting cold at night. He had several long sleeve flannel shirts that I gathered up but my favorite baby blue sweatshirt is no more. He had it on when I admitted him to the ER. Of course, they frantically cut and cut and cut some more to get it off of him quickly. He also had on the great black T-shirt that Alisha brought him back from Washington DC. That's all cut up now, too. I didn't realize it but the nurses had put them both in his "personal bag" for me to bring home. I promptly unloaded the bag into the washer before I saw them both cut to shreds. I cried when I found them. It was rather traumatic to remember him in the ER with his chest bare and tubes and patches everywhere. I have to say that I haven't cried too often during all of this, but when I saw his shirts it just started to come. I think I was also relieved that even if the shirts were gone, Dan wasn't!!!

Anyway, I picked him up a new sweatshirt and it's not near as pretty as the baby blue one, but it will keep him warm.

I also got to talk to him today. He tried to prepare me by telling me not to expect too much because he was still pretty weak. I think he had just finished with the therapist and realized he has a way to go before he's back to his old self. I don't care!! I'm just glad to have him with us.

Today I had lunch with a dear friend of mine from work. We shared stories because she went through much the same with her husband Brit just last Oct. The difference was that Brit didn't make it and now Liz is alone. She's handling it pretty good but we both sat and cried for an hour or so over lunch. We just kept wondering why one went and one stayed. I don't suppose we'll ever know the answer to that one.

Well, I'm off to bed so I can get up early and head down.
PS. Just in case you haven't heard~ Gracie is putting in her mission papers!!! We are soooo excited for her. You can catch up on her plans at
www.thatgrace007.blogspot.com

Goodnight!

Wednesday, March 3

2010-03-03T14:17:00.000-08:00

I just talked with the nurse at Willow Wood. She said Dan was doing well today and had been much quieter. I took that as "he hasn't demanded as much attention today." I asked her if she thought that he was quieter because he wasn't in as much pain as before and she said she thought so. Good news.

She said that the therapist had him up on his feet for a while today. Maybe not too long, but long enough for her to see him that way. Progress!

I didn't get to talk to him because he was resting but that's good, too.
I asked her if he had walked to the phone yesterday or if they had put him in a wheel chair to get there. She said that he was in a chair. I appreciate the fact that they would take the time to get him into a chair and bring him to the phone just so I could talk with him. I know it's not much, but it means a lot to me.

Today I'm one day closer to seeing him on Friday. YEAH!!

Tuesday March 2 ~ Gracie's 21st Birthday

2010-03-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

Yeah today!!! I got to talk to Dan. I don't know if he walked to the phone or if they wheeled him to it. I was too excited to ask. He said, "Hello honey. How are you doing?" He sounded soooo good! We talked for a few minutes and he said he still hurts but that it's getting better. I told him it was good to have him back and he said, "I don't know where I was, but I know it was real." Maybe one day we'll know and maybe not but at this point it's just good to talk to him for real.

The nurse said they had him sitting up more today and that the Physical Therapist had seen him. His name is Bryce but I didn't get to talk to him. Maybe tomorrow. The nurse also said that they had had him up to the bathroom today. Good news!

When I got home and got the mail there was another yellow envelope with another kind card, gifts cards and some cash. I have no idea who has been so thoughtful, but I so appreciate it. I've decided it must be just anyone and everyone I know. That way I will be grateful to everyone just in case. Thank you all!!
The Christensen's have brought dinner over almost every night and I think I'll go have some right now. Thank you!!!

Monday Mar. 1

2010-03-01T20:34:00.000-08:00

Today was a hard day because I didn't get to see or talk to Dan. I called the Rehab. Center and visited with one of the nurses but it wasn't the same. She said he was doing ok but that he was complaining of pain. She thought they'd be giving him something for it soon. I told her about the pain he had while I was there and she said she'd check into it. I hope it helps. I can't stand the thought of him in pain and nothing being done about it. I will call again tomorrow but because he doesn't have a phone in his room and because he can't walk out to get the phone, I probably won't be able to talk to him then either. I did ask the nurse to tell him that I love him. She said she would so that's as good as it gets today.

Some people have been following the posts and say that Dan looks pretty good in his picture. I agree. I think he even looks better in person. He's a lot easier to kiss in person.

Sunday Feb. 28

2010-02-28T17:49:00.000-08:00

It is the last day of Feb. and the last day I got to spend time with Dan for a week. He was resting well when I got there this morning so I just quietly sat by him and read. When he woke up he was glad to see me. :) Although it didn't really feel like Sunday, a gentleman and his wife brought the sacrament around so we got to partake of that. He told us that they have Sacrament Meetings in the Dinning Room every Sunday at 10:30 so maybe next week we'll be able to go.

With some help we were able to get Dan up and into the wheelchair and he actually moved his feet to help. He sat in the chair until he'd finished with his lunch.

When we had lunch I encouraged him to eat as much of it himself as he could. I cut up the carrots for him and he was able to eat quite a bit without my help. Eventually, I helped him finish things off and he quit when he was full. I noticed that he put his whip cream from the apple crisp on top of the turkey and gravy. When they first brought it in he asked what he should eat first and I told him that he could eat whatever he wanted to eat first. He looked at the tray and then said he thought he should probably eat the desert first. I told him that he could do that if he wanted but that usually we saved desert for last. So, he ate his dinner first. You've just gotta love that man!!!

After lunch we moved him back to the bed and he let me put some cream on his hands and feet. I rubbed his feet for quite a while because I figured it would feel good. And, MIRACLE... he let me rub his right arm and hand. They didn't hurt him today. I was able to move his hand into a more natural position and then move his arm to cross his body. I told him to hold his hand to his heart so he could feel it beating. I was so excited that it didn't hurt him today. I'm sure with some therapy he'll be able to use it again.

I'm getting excited to have him come home again. All in time...

I drove home this afternoon under beautiful blue skies and 50 degree weather in SL. There was snow on the ground starting at about Tremonton but sunny skies almost all the way home. Good Day!!

Saturday Feb. 27

2010-02-27T22:15:00.000-08:00

I got to spend the whole day with Dan today. I got to feed him and cover him, uncover him, put his socks, take his socks off, give him some water and put my hand on his chest. But, I could not touch his right arm. It's sooo sensitive ~ like raw nerves and it hurts for him to even move it. He has a large bruse on his right side from the fall the other night.
Kristi and Haini and family came up and visited with him for quite a while.
They brought him some ice cream and he ate quite a bit of it before we gave the rest to the kids. While they were with him I went with the social worker to fill out some forms. She was a great help and I think I'll be able to finish most of them for her this coming week.

Later, we were able to get him out of bed and into a wheelchair. With support he was able to move his feet about a foot or so from the bed to the chair. He enjoyed getting out of the room and going around the facility. We bought him a gatoraide from the vending machine and then went back to his room.

He slept off and on but never very deep. After dinner, Gracie and Stephen came to visit him, too. Dan was getting restless and we needed to leave so he could relax.
He didn't understand that he needed to stay there. He told me that before we could leave he would need to get up and get dressed and I would have to check him out.
I had to tell him that he needed to stay there but that I would come back in the morning. He got angry at me but then he was sad. The longer I stayed the worse it got so finally I just had to tell him that I loved him and would be back in the morning.

There's still so much that he doesn't understand about what happened to him and what will happen. He knows he hurts and he doesn't know why. It's so sad. I'm so glad I get to spend some time with him each week.

I think we'll be able to take care of him at home but it's going to take a lot of work. Perhaps he'll be better before he comes home. I miss him!!!

Gracie, Stephen and I went to dinner and then the soaked in the hot tub with me for a while. They are taking "crazy" pictures of each other while I am writing this post. It's fun to have their company.

Friday Feb. 26

2010-02-26T21:46:00.000-08:00

I've always enjoyed Fridays but for the next few weeks I'm going to absolutely LOVE them. First of all, I slept in past 5:00 AM and even felt rested when I got up at 7:00. I was able to go to Tessha's dr. appt. with her and it was the first time we have spent more than 10 minutes together for at least a month. It so good to have my best friend home again.

Around noon I was packed and headed for Utah. I was going to see Dan. Even though it was just a little over a week since I'd seen him, it felt like forever. I knew he had probably made some progress while I was gone and I was excited and apprehensive about all of it. I actually spent the first part of the trip talking to Tessha on the phone (hands free) till we lost connection around Malad. So, I called Penny after that and visited with her till I entered the SL traffic. She was with Julia going from SL to Logan. We must have even passed each other on the freeway during our visit. Those two phone calls made the trip go much faster than it could have gone.

When I got to SL I looked for the place where I am staying and after unloading the car I found my way to the Willow Wood Care Center. Tessha had given me excellent directions and it was actually pretty easy to find. I was so excited when I entered the building and the first person I saw asked, "Are you Dan's wife? He has been so excited for you to get here." They had him all cleaned up, shaved, hair cut and smiling. It was sooooo good to see him. I can't imagine being separated from him for any longer than a week. He was happy to see me and he knew who I was.

In fact, he's made some great progress. His language is about 70% better than a week ago. His sentences are generally complete and coherent. Sometimes he got lost in his thoughts but could usually straighten it out on his own. He's still pretty much flat on his back or can sit up with the back of the bed supporting him. He commented that he couldn't feel his feet but if I touched them, he'd say that it hurt him. He eye is all stitched up and black and blue but it will heal and the scar will probably be hidden pretty much by his eyebrow. The thing that concerns me the most is his right arm. It is very tender to the touch and it difficult for him to move it. I'm sure they'll be doing therapy on it but it seems to be pretty damaged. I wonder if it's because he laid on it so long the night he fell out of bed. I don't really know what's going on with it but I know it hurts him.

We had a good visit. He told me about his dreams - way out there stuff and I told him about how he ended up at the VA. He didn't remember much of anything. He said he could remember Paunie talking to him in the car while we were driving to SL. He didn't know all the facts but he remembered her talking to him. He told me that his parents had come to him and told him he had the choice whether to go with them or to return to us. He said that his mother told him that if he returned I would take good care of him. So, he made the choice to stay here. He also asked if I remember being with him in the castle high on the mountain in Germany where he was dressed like a Russian. He said he didn't really like his outfit but he had to wear it anyway. (I have no idea how to interrupt that???) Obviously, I didn't remember the occasion.

The staff was wonderful and very attentive to Dan. They even brought me a dinner so I could eat with him. I fed him his dinner and then ate mine. He did a great job eating most everything he had. I loved it when he asked for his milk and than drank the whole glass without stopping. Oh, those dairy days all over again.

Kristi, Haini and the kids came up to visit Dan, too. Haini is so good to Dan. The first thing he did was to lift him up and put him back upd at the top of the bed so that his feet where smashed at the bottom. He just lifted him up and moved him like nothing. I was wishing they were living with us again just to help do that for Dan.

It is always fun to see their family and of course we went to eat after making sure that Dan was asleep for the night.

I can't wait for tomorrow so I can get back there and visit with him some more. It just feels good to be with him.

Thursday Feb. 25

2010-02-25T21:19:00.001-08:00

It's Thursday but it feels like Friday because as of tonight I'm done working for the week. I get tomorrow off from school and from the Pharmacy. I'm so excited. I'm going to SL to visit Dan. Tessha's been down there during the transition to the Rehab. Center (Willow Wood). And now that she's home, I'll head down tomorrow morning.

She has kept me up on all the happenings and so have the nurses at the center. In fact, today I received several calls. They tell me that last night Dan got confused and tried to stand up to go to the bathroom. Well, he doesn't stand on his own now so of course he fell over and ended up cutting his eye. They rushed him to the ER at the VA where they stitched him up and settled him down. They also put the catheter back in so that he doesn't have to worry about getting up to go to the bathroom for a while longer.

He's been a little disoriented about where he is and why he's there but I think it's really helped to have Tessha close by. Kristi and Haini and family have also been there to visit him. I think it's so important to keep family with him as much as possible and I'm already dreading coming home on Sunday night. It's just not enough time to be with him. But, I plan to go every weekend while he's there. Eventually, he'll come home with us and we'll apply for all the help we can get for him here.

Well, I'm going to go to bed soon. Tomorrow will be a big day with Tessha's dr. appointment in the morning, getting ready to go and then heading down to Salt Lake. I hope to be there before too late so I have some time with him. Goodnight Dan!
I love you!

Wed. Feb. 24

2010-02-24T20:52:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness. I just re-read the post from last night and was ashamed at all the errors in it. All I can say is, "I'm sorry". I must have been even more tired than I thought. I haven't taken my sleeping aid yet tonight so maybe this one will be more correct.

I'm so grateful for Tessha being down there with Dan and relaying information to me. Also, Jan, the Social Worker and Dr. Caton, the Mental Health doctor have been great to stay in touch with me by phone. Jan has worked endlessly to make sure Dan can get the rehab help he needs without breaking our bank. We went through a bunch of numbers yesterday and she said she'd review it all and let me know what the Rehab will cost us.

Well she called back today to say that the VA will pick up the first 20 days at no cost to us. Miracle!! Then from day 21 through 31 it will cost me $15/ day. I was amazed. That is actually something we can do. It was originally $140/day. Another miracle!!! We are being blessed through it all.

Dr. Caton called to see if I had any questions about Dan's meds. I asked him about the Depacote and if Dan was still on all the other meds. We talked about the side effects of everything and decided this was worth the risk. He said Dan was still on the other meds and would probably stay on them. I have to say, I like this dr. He has offered for me to call anytime I have a question and he may be the one who follows Dan in the clinic down there. We'll have to see about that one.

Tessha texted this morning that Dan "is confused and unsettled about checking out. He isn't retaining info. like that he's in the VA and more specifically SLC. You tell him he is checking out soon and going to rehab and he gets flustered and asks again, so the nurses and I tell him each time they see him, which is multiple times in an hour. He still has the catheter in. He is sitting up in bed and yesterday sat in a chair for a while. The back MRI came out clean, there is no disk compression."

His new address is Willow Wood Care Center 1206 E. 4725 S. SLC. Turn on to Bonner Way once you're on 1300 E. There is a Mountain CU. Go north through a light and turn west into a housing neighborhood.

"Good news. There isn't a fracture in his hand/per the x-ray. The Dr. put a comssioon glove on which is tight on his big hands and is irritating. The nurse put a call into the PT, who may let him have a break from it. I fed him lunch and we talked. He lost words but kept his cool, which is better that an hour ago. He remembered he is in the VA but referenced Murray (the location of rehab) vs SLC. Sunday he thought he was in Honolulu and yesterday it was Vienna, Austria."

"I drove out to the rehab where he's going to be with the Social Worker. He still has to get discharged from the hospital so it might be tomorrow. His room is right across from the Nurses Station. It's not fancy but it's clean."

Phone call ~ "Hi Mom, it's Tessha. I have some good news for you. I just saw Dr. Bower, the neurologist. He said that since we've taken Dad off the lithium he's seeing some of his movements start to even out. He said the lithium sometimes looks like Parkinson's and there's a possibly that he might not actually have Parkinson's. Don't get your hopes up but it is possible that in the next few weeks he might even overcome some of the Parkinson's stuff. You might get your guy back. They've also started him on something for his prostate so maybe he'll get a good night sleep tonight. They haven't actually confirmed when they'll move him out. It might be sometime this afternoon or maybe even tomorrow."

I got this voice message just after I got home from school and got the mail. In with everything else was a small yellow envelope with a little card inside. It said
"Hope this helps with your next trip to see you Sweetheart! Lots of Love and Prayers." I have no idea who is it from but they put $100 and a Jamba Juice gift card and an Applebee's gift Card inside. It was post marked Pocatello and I was blown away by the kindness. I can't even begin to imagine who would have been so kind. I will just have to think that it could have been just about anyone. Wow!!! There are angels and they are all around us. Thank you all!!

I can't go to bed without saying how thankful we are for all the sweet people who bring in dinners, rolls, loaves of bread and all kinds of yummies for us to enjoy.
Alisha hasn't had it this good for quite a while now and she's loving it.

Like she said, "Yah, we are being watched over."

Tues. Feb. 23

2010-02-23T20:37:00.000-08:00

I just got off the phone with Tessha. She had texted me a couple of times today to let me know how things are going with Dad. This morning she said the "Dad had an x=ray on his ram this morning and it sleeping. He is sleeping through the nigh."

"He ate a full lunoh, which is ne. His face is starting to fill in now that he is hydrated. The paind seems to be under contorl and his parkinson's meds are starting tp work. I am waiting to find out about his back mri and then the x-ray on his rt. forearm. The tract infections is improving though they are still needing to catheter him If theu can get him to rfegab. toda they will. It sounds like Jan got the VA to cover the money for all of the first twently days. YEAH!"

I think JAn has does a fabulous job for making thigs work for him.

I talked with Dr Caton about the meds tha the's one and all I can say is hat it's proprobaly the best way for hi to go.

I know there are more things to say, but my sleeping pill is taking hold and I'm not staying with this mush longer. Mabe tomorrow. I've got to get inot be bed soon or I'll fall off where I am. Goodnight everon.e

Monday Feb. 22

2010-02-22T20:36:00.000-08:00

Today was a hard day. It seemed like I hit the wall again and no matter how hard I tried to make things work, there was always another fiery dart coming straight at me. I'm worried about Dan getting the help he needs. I'm worried about having the income to pay for the help. I'm worried about not being with him. I know it just sounds like I'm worrying but I'm also trying to put out fires all along the way.

I had a call from Mark at Wells Fargo Auto Finance - no we don't have a loan with them, but it took me two hours with really dumb phone calls to find out what had happened 2 1/2 years ago that I had never heard of before. Now, $699.39 dollars later I can only hope it's taken care of. I will worry about the rest of the bills another day.

I had an appointment with Lori Woodbury today (thanks to Clella) and I fell apart right there and then. She prescribed some meds for me. One to help with the anxiety and one to help me sleep. I haven't been able to sleep good throughout all of this so I think I'm just plain worn out. I'm looking forward to a good night sleep tonight. I hope I'll still be able to function tomorrow.

While I was on the phone with the Wells Fargo guys, I missed the call from the Dr. and the social worker. I missed one of Tessha's calls and Daniel's too. I was such a mess that perhaps it was a good thing I didn't connect with any of them.

After my dr. appt. I called Tessha to find out about Dan and she said they had to put the catheter back in today. He still has a "track" infection. He can stand but can move his feet and it takes two people to get him to the bathroom and then he usually can't go. He's swallowing foods but he can't feed himself yet. They are looking at moving him to the Rehab Center as early as tomorrow but he still has a 1-1in his room there at the hospital. The Neurologist wants to put him on Depacote but he's been on it before and it didn't work for him then. Maybe this time??? Also, I don't know if they've continued to give him his Carbadopa-Levadopa for the Parkinson's and his Memantine for the Dementia; not to mention all his other meds.

The MRI from Friday came back clear - no signs of a stroke but they were going to do another one today on his back to see if he has a disk out. He can't sit in a chair without a lot of pain.

I'm worried that they will move him to a Rehab. Center and 20 days later he'll be released to come home and we won't have him on the right meds or with the help that he needs.

I think I'd better just take my sleeping aid and go to bed. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I'd just better be ready for it.

Sunday Feb. 21

2010-02-21T16:02:00.000-08:00

I called Dan's room as soon as we got home from Church today. Nobody answered so I called the Nurse's station. They were in the process of changing shifts and told me to call back in a few minutes.

I just got off the phone with Tessha. She had called to say that she was there with Dan. They had him up, showered and shaved and "looking good". She said he's speaking in sentences now and that he said he doesn't remember much of anything. She told him that "basically he'd been sleeping for about 2 weeks and that I had been with him the whole time". He said he thought he could remember something like that but wasn't sure.

He still has a bladder infection that they are treating but his medical needs are slowly mending. When those are all under control, they will release him to a Rehab. Center for therapies, etc. I hope the Neurologist will have a good idea of what meds he'll need before they release him to come home. I want to know he'll be ok at home with us. I don't know how much help Pocatello VA will be so I want all the help he can get from SL while he's there.

Tessha hadn't been able to talk to any Drs. yet about the MRI but she thinks she will when they make their rounds tomorrow. At this point, no news is good news. Dan was sleeping but Kristi, Haini and family walked in while we were talking so I let her go but we'll talk later when Dan wakes up. I can't wait.

It was wonderful to be back to Church today. I have really missed being there, listening, enjoying the Spirit and taking the Sacrament. Everyone was so loving and concerned about Dan. It felt like "home". We are so blessed!! And Dan is getting better!!!

Sat. Feb. 20

2010-02-20T21:09:00.000-08:00

I had to work at the pharmacy today and although I love working there, I missed being at home with Alisha and visiting by phone with Dan. We can't have our phones in the pharmacy so I even missed Tessha's call around 1:30.
She said that Kristi and Haini's family was at the hospital today to see Dan so they called with an update for me.
I didn't get the message until later tonight when I took my phone out of my work bag but Tessha said that Dan is really making progress. Kristi said she could really see a big difference.
He's been kind of agitated coming off of some of the meds he's been on. And the nurses think he might have a bladder infection so they are trying to relief all sources of discomfort so they can tell how best to help him. "He's alert and he's making sentences, not big ones but he's making exchanges with us."
That is all good news. I'm so glad he's there where they can really help him make the changes he needs with all his meds.
Alisha's at the Stake dance and I need to go pick her up and then get home and go to bed. So, good news again today.

Friday, Feb. 19

2010-02-19T18:23:00.001-08:00

Fridays are always good days and although today wasn't easy, it was so amazingly good.

I went into school about 6:30 and started catching up on everything. I don't usually see students on Fridays so I have time to do paper/file work, test students and prep for whatever is coming up.

I was working away when the Social Worker (Jan) from the VA called and we talked for a looonnngg time about what Dan is going to need and HOW to pay for it. Right now, it doesn't look like we'll qualify for much help. Like she said, "It looks like you'll be paying out of pocket" for most of his expenses. Now I know we've been blessed to have all that we have!! But, honestly, we don't have that much!! Not enough to cover what he might need.

After I talked with her, I started crunching numbers to see exactly how "short" we'd be and even a third job won't cover it. It was interesting for me to realize I was starting to panic. I don't usually panic about things. Having 10 kids, I found that you can't afford to panic or you'll lose control of what you can do. But, regardless, I was panicking.

My dear, wonderful friend Clella came by and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with her today. I knew I needed that time away from my desk and maybe then I could pull myself together, so I said yes. She has been fantastic about being there right when I needed someone. And, she honestly cares about it all. She's had her trials and she knows how to handle things pretty good.

Anyway, we talked at lunch and she helped me work through what was really important and promised to help with all the other things, as well. She's a trained Assistive Technology guru(can't remember what it's called right now - part of the whole panic thing) and has access to helpful programs and people. She made me call my dr. right there at lunch (I was too nervous to eat anything anyway) and make an appointment to visit with her about something to help me stay calm and focused. So, I have a dr. appointment on Monday for me :-)

We didn't even get out of the parking lot before she was on the phone to her friends finding out about home modifications and equipment rentals that we might need to keep Dan at home with us. We don't really even know what he'll need but she wanted to be ready to help with whatever we do need.

You can understand that my nerves were starting to settle down a bit. With help like that, how could it be otherwise.

When I got home, I got out the budget and the checkbook and starting paying the bills. We got paid today from the school and yesterday from the pharmacy, so today was a good day to take care of that. As I wrote out my tithing check, I remembered a couple of years ago when the Spirit told me that if I would pay on my gross, I would be blessed. And that was when I got the job at the Pharmacy. What a comfort it is to know that the Lord will bless us. He already has and He will continue to do so. I honestly don't know how it will come about but tonight I have a more comfortable feel than I did today. Thank you Clella and thank you Heavenly Father!!

Tessha texted me around noon to say that "Dad is sitting up having pudding. He did some physical therapy which included standing. They said his legs are getting stronger" and then again at 4:00 to say, "Dad is having a MRI. I'll let you know when the Neuro comes to go over the test. I understand they are looking for signs of new strokes". She called a little later and said they had taken the catheter out and Dan was walking with help to the bathroom. Those are all good signs!! Thank you Tessha for being my eyes and ears, my heart and soul there with Dad.

I also talked with the Psychiatrist today and he said they were going to take Dan off Lithium and perhaps start Paxil and Depacot. We talked a bit about Dan's past meds and the side effects of them and he said he'd share that with the team before they began anything new. He promised to keep in touch with me - which, I think means that I'm welcome to call him :-)

I'm trying to think of anything else new to share, but either there isn't anything or I just can't think of it. Who knows? I let you know when I find out. :-)
Thanks for the thoughts, prayers and comments. I appreciate them all.

Thursday Feb. 18

2010-02-18T20:47:00.000-08:00

This is the first full day for the past few weeks that I didn't spend entirely with Dan. I have to say that I missed him lots. I found my mind wandering throughout the day, just wondering how he was doing, if he was talking any more than before, eating on his own or just resting and getting better.

I did the regular school/pharmacy day and I will say it was good to be back. Everyone is so kind and I could feel their love throughout the day and evening. Although, I am really tired tonight and it doesn't help that I couldn't sleep much last night, I kept trying to figure out how I would be able to get back to SL soon.

I think I'll be able to take sick leave from school on Fridays and the pharmacy is going to let me work Mondays through Thursdays with Friday nights and the weekends off for a while so I can leave Friday mornings and be able to visit with the drs before they're gone on Saturdays. What wonderful places to work with the best people ever.

Tessha left this afternoon for SL. She took the Camary so she could get down there without going broke. I had a little money left from what the brethren gave me that morning so I put that with what little else I had and sent her on her way. She's staying with her good friend Linda F. I think she'll enjoy that visit, too. She will stay there for a few days through the weekend and then we'll decide what to do. I know I'll be going down at least by next Friday. Yeah!!

I just got a text from her tonight. She said, "Dad is doing good. He is resting, sleeping on and off. They pulled his catheter this afternoon, which means he is getting out of bed with help." That is great news!!! I'm so excited for him. I know he's wanted that ever since he woke up. That should be the last tube in or out. And to have him on his feet even for a few minutes is wonderful progress.

Thanks Tessha for letting us know all the good stuff.

Wed. Feb. 17

2010-02-17T20:18:00.000-08:00

I'm writing this post from home. Yes, I came home today.
Seth and I got up early this morning, cleaned up, packed up and went to the hospital to see Dan. You could hear him from out in the hall. He was moaning and crying out. When we went inside his room he had his sheets kicked off and would not keep his legs down - not a pretty sight. He was yelling at everyone within ear shot.
The 1-1 nurse said he had been like that most of the morning. Nothing we did would comfort him and we had the hardest time keeping his legs down.

His new nurse was a kind lady who sat on his bed and took his hand and talked sweetly to him. He listened to her and said "thank you" when she was done. Eventually he quieted down. Charles, the Speech-Path. came in and showed us that Dan could produce a good swallow and so he would be able to eat thickened foods. With that they ordered him some breakfast that I was able to feed to him when it came. I think he liked having good tasting food in his mouth again. He had some kind of thickened soup, butterscotch pudding, applesauce, milk, and juice. He said the juice tasted like it was "ripe". Whatever that means, he didn't want much of it. But he ate everything else.

A neurologist came in for about 5 minutes. I can't say I was impressed. He said, "I have 5 minutes. What can you tell me?" Then he reached over and turned off the TV that Dan was watching. His first question was to the effect of; How'd he over doze on the lithium. He wanted a history, but only through answers to his questions. It was difficult to explain all of Dan's history and answer specific questions in 5 minutes. Then he looked at his watch and said, "You'll be here later today?" I told him we were on our way home and he said he'd keep in touch by phone. He took my phone number and then visited with Seth a minute about where he was going to school. And out the door he went.

We sat with Dan and he actually rested, sometimes with his eyes closed and sometimes with his eyes opened. After a while, we said our goodbyes and headed home.

It was a quiet, peaceful ride home and I enjoyed just having Seth with me. He's been such a strength to have around. He continually reminds me that "we can do this." Yes Seth, we can do this - together.

Just before I got to IF, Will called to say that they were just leaving SL for the long ride back to Seattle. They will go to Boise (about an 6 hour drive from SL) tonight and then the rest of the way tomorrow. I was so grateful that they would take the time to stay with Dan till today. I know it wasn't easy for them; Will with a new job and Jenni excepting with a 20 month old baby in tow. But, I sure appreciate their support for me and especially for Dan. I really do have the very best children ever!!

I got home to a wonderful dinner of lasagna, french bread and salad brought over by my sweet friend Rita. Thank you Rita!!!

Thank you everyone!! It's good to be home but I really miss Dan. I can't think about it or I'll cry and I'm too tired to cry right now. Guess I go to bed.

Tuesday Feb. 16

2010-02-16T20:09:00.000-08:00

It's probably my last day down here with Dan. I will need to get Seth back to school and get to work myself. I've been gone since Thursday the 4th and it seems like an eternity. With Dan in a coma for 11 of those days~ it was an eternity. Now real life is setting in again.

With just this one day left, Seth and I got up early, ate a bite of breakfast and headed to the hospital. Dan was still in the MICU and I was glad of it. They have been so wonderful in every way! I knew he was getting the very best treatment there.

He was awake when we came in and he said "Hi" to us but soon he was back asleep. They said he had another rough night and they had given him Loritab to help settled him down so he could sleep. Seth and I read our books and worked on our laptops. I've been putting my 2009 blog posts into Word Document so I can burn a CD of them.

Anyway, we worked while he slept and occasionally he'd wake up but it was good to see him resting.

Around 2:00 the OT came in and quickly assessed Dan, got him up at the edge of the bed and eventually into a chair. Dan was so tired of being on his back that he really enjoyed sitting up for a while. He still is struggling with his speech and language. He can get about 5 words out now before getting confused. In fact, later tonight he said, "I think it would be easier if..." and then it was lost. But, that is 7 consecutive words spoken clearly. He's improving!!!

Seth went for a walk and Will came in to visit. He was there when the OT moved Dan to the chair and I think we were both grateful for the progress. Just remembering only a few days ago we didn't know if he'd even come out of the coma and here he is sitting up and watching TV. He wasn't always comfortable and sometimes he moaned and groaned, but he was conscious.

About 5:00 they were ready to move him out of the ICU into a room on the third floor. It's a nice room and for now he's the only one in it. The kids were able to come in and visit him all at once and even little Preston was allowed in. How nice!!! I like his new nurses and he has a one-on-one nurse who will stay with him round the clock - just in case!!

Dan sat in another chair in the new room for a little while and then he wanted to lay down again. We had just got him all fixed up in bed and he began crying out that he was afraid. He was kicking his legs and pushing with his arms and the nurse looked at me like ??? I told her that he had been on a long list of bipolar meds so she rushed to find out what she could give him. Will and Jenni had to leave about that time. It was so good to have them with us for a while today! They have been fantastic about being with Dan, especially when other couldn't be there.

After a shot into his IV he started to settle down again and we thought it was probably a good time for us to leave him, too. Seth and I went out for a bite to eat and then headed back to Orem. We called Gracie to tell her our plans and to thank her for all her long hours of love and support. She really kept me together that first week. What a weird, wild, wonderful, whacky week. Jamba Juice in the mornings and "It's going to be a good day." Thanks Grace!

We stopped at the Sugies for a little while, had family prayer and said goodbye to them. And then we came on back to our room. Seth is getting a little R&R time at the hot tub right now. When he gets back we'll need to get things packed up and ready to head home tomorrow. We will stop in SL and see how Dan is doing and then go on up the road.

I already know that it's going to just about do me in to leave him here in Utah and go home without him. Just thinking about it is terrible. I know he's in good hands and I know that this is where he needs to be, but... I don't want to go home without him. Like Scarlet said, "I'll think about it tomorrow."

Monday Feb. 15 ~ President's Day

2010-02-15T22:03:00.000-08:00

Today was a holiday AND a good day for Dan. Will spent a good part of the morning at the hospital with him. Will has a quiet, gentle manner which exhibits strength and security. I'm sure Dan enjoyed having him there.

I stayed in Orem for a good part of the day. I worked on some computer projects that I've needed to do for a few months now. I accomplished quite a bit and it's good to have that much done.

I did some laundry and that feels great, too! Later, Seth borrowed Gracie's car and visited with a friend in Provo.

Later in the afternoon, I went and picked up Kristi and the kids so they could come over to the hotel and swim in the pool for a while. It's always a treat to be close to the Sugies and have fun with them. I just love those kids (and their parents).

Afterwards, I took a shower and washed my hair. What a great day ~ clean clothes and clean hair. Then I was ready to go see Dan again.

The drive is definitely longer from Orem and I find that I get very anxious to see him. Once I'm on the road, it's hard to wait that long to get there.

Dan is still in the MICU (Medical ICU vs. the Surgical ICU). They've talked about moving him to another unit on the floor, but they haven't moved him yet. They still aren't comfortable about sending him out there alone. Perhaps, when they can find a "sitter" they'll make the move.

It was so good to see him again. He looks good and he's making progress, slow but there is progress. His right hand looks better today than it has the past week. They had to restrain his hands and his left foot again. He keeps pulling on his tubes and they are concerned about that. He was sleeping lightly but would occasionally wake up. He knew I was there and said "hi" once.

I visited with one of the Drs. and he said that they were watching him pretty closely. He kind of laid out a possible plan but everything is dependent on how Dan is doing that particular day. As he makes progress he'll probably move from the ICU to regular floor room and then to a rehab. center/nursing home where he can get OT and PT to help him regain his skills before he can return home. I'm getting excited to think of him coming home but we'll take one step at a time and always remember we're not in charge here.

Will came back to the hospital tonight and sat with me watching Dan sleep for a couple more hours. At one point, a nurse asked him to help move Dan back up in the bed. Dan tends to slide down in the bed and get his feet all smished up at the end so he needs to be moved up quite often. It was fun to watch Will put on the "blue gloves" and grab the sheet. I'm so grateful for Will and for the nurses who take such great care of Dan. I don't want to think of where we'd be without them and without the wonderful children that we have. Thank you all!!

Sunday Feb. 14~ Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T22:03:00.000-08:00

You know the song that says, "Waking up is hard to do"? Well, it's surely been hard for Dan to wake up. He's trying to talk and can say about 3-4 words clearly and then it gets all jumbled up and he gets frustrated. He's pretty good with "ya" or "no" but even then it can take him a few seconds to get it out.

Today is Valentine's Day so I took a balloon to Dan and a box of chocolates to the nurses. I didn't think Dan would be interested in the chocolates since he's still on a feeding tube. They will do a swallow eval in a couple of days and determine if he can eat orally. I don't think it'll be a problem at all.

When I walked in his room this morning he was trying to talk to a nurse but it was rather whinny sounding and difficult to understand. After some ice chips his voice settled a little deeper but it wasn't long before it was an octave higher again. All in time.

Laura and Mark came by to see Dan this morning before heading back to Arizona. We will miss them and they were so kind to come up. Elizabeth and James also headed back to Tacoma this morning. We haven't talked with them but I'm hoping they are about home by now. Will and Jenni may stay on for a few more days. Will wanted to be sure that someone was with Dan if I had to go home. We'll let them know of our plans tomorrow morning. Everyone has mentioned how impressed they've been with all the children and their attentiveness towards Dan. What can you say except that they are wonderful children and love their father very much.

He was rather restless today. I think he tried to say that he wanted to go home or at least go somewhere else which is very reasonable since he's been in that bed on his back for the past 11 days. However, he doesn't seem to remember any of it. He told me once, "I don't understand" and then he looked at the room around him and I figured he didn't understand why he was here. When I asked him that he said, "Ya, why?" I told him a little bit but he wasn't getting it so we went way simple and said, "Because you are sick and the Drs. here can help you." Before we came in the Drs. had asked him what year it is and he must have told them 2004. At least that's what they told us when we got there. I'm sure there will be lots of confusion for a while. Hopefully, he'll be able to process things again soon.

He does seem to understand directions involving concepts at a limited level and he can answer simple questions. At times he reminds me of a young child of 4 or 5 years of age.

After a while there, the nurses needed to work with him so Seth and I left and went down to Little America for their Sunday lunch specials. Jutta suggested it so we thought we'd try it out. It was a very nice, relaxing lunch and then back to the hospital. Kelly and Julia had stopped by and visited with Dan and then we got to visit with them in the hallway for a little while. Will and Jenni also stopped by so that was fun, too.

Seth and I sat with Dan and tried to keep him covered up and his hands away from his feeding tube. When he fell asleep he was breathing through his mouth and his respiration rate really dropped. We had to put the face mask back on him and that woke him up. Oh well, we tried.

The drs. were talking about him leaving MICU today or tomorrow. His vitals are stable but he still is at risk so they are trying to find a "sitter". That is a nurse that they can hire to "sit" with Dan full time. They don't dare sent him to another unit without that kind of care. But, they might have to if there is a need for the ICU bed that he's in right now. When we left around 9:00 they hadn't found someone yet but thought maybe in the morning. I'm glad he's finally to the point be maybe leaving the MCIU but I'm also scared of where he'll be and what will happen now.

They're telling me that on Tuesday or Wednesday the neurologist with do an assessment and the Speech Dept. will do a swallowing eval for him. I've told them a number of times that I want Dan to have his follow up care with the SL VA instead of the Pocatello VA. He just needs a good Mental Health Dr. and a good Neurologist for the Parkinson's. We will drive to SL whenever they say if we can get the kind of care he needs.

I'm hoping after the evaluations we will have a better picture of what Dan will need when he is released. I honestly don't know what that will entail but I'm hopeful that we will find out soon.

Gracie and her friend Steven came up to see Dan around 8:00 and a couple of Elders from the Church stopped by to give him a blessing. It was a nice way to end a pretty hectic day.

We drove back to Orem and visited a little with Kristi and the kids and then came on over to our room for the night. I booked two more nights here since we will be staying until the evals are done. Then we'll have to decide what to do after that.

Dan may be having a hard time waking up but I think that I'll have a real easy time going to sleep tonight. I'm bushed!

Sat. Feb. 13

2010-02-13T23:09:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

This is one of Dan's favorite scriptures. He's quoted it to me ever since our BYU days (and that's a long time ago). I've always trusted in the Lord. After all, it is He who blesses my life and whom I lean on for comfort. He has always been there for me and He has provided miracle after miracle in my life. However, in retrospect I've always "had a plan" too. Mind you, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a plan. I honestly believe that "a plan" can save almost any situation.

In HS I planned to go to college. I even planned what I would study. I planned what to do when I broke up with a boyfriend or when a boyfriend broke up with me. Having a plan made it all easier to deal with.

As a mom, I learned pretty early that things went smoother with little children if I had a plan. I planned to feed them before they got so hungry they would cry. I planned to put them to bed before they became so tired that they couldn't sleep. I planned almost every aspect of the day. It really was the best way to accomplish the many things that had to be done when you have children. I become very good at making plans. Of course, things didn't always work the way I planned but then I'd make a new plan.

This all really leads to where I am right now. Dan is in the hospital in a coma with nobody knowing if he will come out of it or what his condition will be IF he comes out of it. So, I go into the "planning mode". If he doesn't wake up and if he doesn't live, then I proceed with A,B,C,D, etc. to do the many things I will need to do just to get by. Those are pretty basic things - you get him home to Idaho, plan a funeral, bury him (of course I realize these will all be VERY DIFFICULT things for me to do, but... I can do them and will have to do them IF he doesn't wake up.

On the other hand, IF he wakes up how do I plan? I don't know what his needs will be. I don't know what I will need to do for him. I really don't know much at all about IF he wakes up. So, I think day and night trying to make a plan to make it work.

My head hurts and I just can't get a handle on the "If he wakes up" part. As I pray and just talk to Heavenly Father about it, he just says "Be patient". That doesn't really help much with the plan, does it? But, that's really all he says. "Be patient." I trust Him and I know things will work out because He loves me and He loves Dan and He wants only the best for both of us. So, I don't worry about that part. But, what do I do IF he wakes up? How can I plan what to do?

All of these things are swirling around in my head and I just can't make it work out.

Then today as I entered his room and said, "Dan" he turned and looked right at me. WOW!!! Blow me away!!! I say it again and again he looks at me. HE'S WAKING UP!!!

There were small marks of improvement at the first of the day. A hand moving here or an eye contact there. Very small gains ~ but gains!

I sat with him, rubbed his feet, his head, adjusted his covers (at least 100 times), talked to him and watched his every move. People came and sometimes you knew he was aware of them and other times not. But small gains!

Later in the afternoon, Jutta, my angel nurse came in and I was looking in his mouth. Maybe it's a Speech Path. thing, but regardless, I was looking in his mouth. His tongue was quite swollen and then was residue on his lips and tongue. Jutta decided we should swab out his mouth and clean it up. He appeared to like the moisture and especially the clean mouth. We wondered about whether he'd like some ice chips or not but Jutta thought we should have a swallow eval. done first. There was always the chance that he wouldn't be able to swallow correctly and thus asperate. As I was doing a quick eval, Jutta said, "Oh yah, you can do that for us, uh?" I checked him out watching his tongue movements, encouageing this or that movement and sure enough, he had what it takes for a good swallow so we brought out the ice chips. Dan loved it! I asked him if he'd like some more and he SAID, "Ya". Got that? He said, "Ya". When I asked him what he wanted, he said, "more". We got a "hi", "ya" several times and a "no", too. I said, "I love you" and he said three syllables beginning with "I". You can guess what I'm thinking he said.

Jutta and I were almost beside ourselves. Dan was with us again. The Dr. who thought we might want to talk about "Life Options" came in and was teary eyed when she said, "I would have never thought.." She was amazed!! As were we!!! And I loved it!!

I texted the kids and called other family to let them know that Dan was waking up!!! Laura and Mark had gone to the Provo Temple so we didn't reach them till later, but everyone was excited.

Dan tired pretty quickly after all the things we were asking him to do so we encouraged him to rest. I left so I wouldn't jump up and cover him up every time he moved. He rested much better when I sat still but that was hard to do today. So, I left the hospital, took a gift to The Kimball to thank them for a week of great rooms to crash in and then headed to Orem. I had a room there for myself and Seth and I needed to get us checked in.

I had dinner as I imagined I would with Dan on the eve of Valentine's Day and then we met up with the others at Kristi's place. It was so good to close the day with all the children gathered there (except Gracie who was on this amazing date :-) Some of them will be heading home tomorrow and some will be staying. Some even have Sunday clothes with them since they packed not knowing if they'd go to Church or to a funeral.

See, the Lord has a plan!! He knows what will happen and He knows that with His help we will be able to make it work. I'm still not at all sure what I should plan for "if he wakes up" but at this point I'm just going to give THANKS for the fact that he IS waking up.

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths".

Thank you Heavenly Father and thank you to each one of you for all your prayers in our behalf. Tomorrow Whispers Joy and Yes, Gracie, it was a GREAT day today.

Friday Feb. 12

2010-02-12T20:55:00.000-08:00

It was still quiet in the condo when I left this morning. I felt like I was going up earlier than usual, but in reality it was about the same time of day. Without Gracie, I slipped by the Jamba Juice joint and went straight to the hospital.
The most amazing feeling came when I entered Dan's room and said his name. He looked over at me and held my gaze. I knew he knew that I was there.

It wasn't long before the Dr. came in and did the "swab test" looking for Dan's gag reflex. This time Dan was not only discomforted, he actually scowled at us. He gagged and glared. The Dr. looked at me and said, "Well, are we ready to take out the breathing tube?" I said, "Yes" being very excited at the progress he'd made. The the Dr. said, "Before I do, I want to know if something goes wrong what do you want me to do?" I knew what he was asking and I said, "Put it back in" and when the children come up, we can try again.

So, they removed the tube and Dan did great. They put a face mask on him for a while and then replaced that with the air flow tubes in his nose. Wow, he went from the full face gear to the small, much more comfortable nasal tubes. And he looked great.

They've been keeping him cleaned up and hair combed but he has developed quite a beard over the last week or two. Some like it, some don't. I don't care. It's just so good to see his face again.

He appeared more alert and aware of things going on around him but at times he continued to slip away for a bit. He was mostly restless and his left leg was pumping up and down a good part of the day. He got his voice back and grunted at us when we didn't get what he wanted. For the most part we talked about him being "awake". You could tell he wasn't exactly a happy camper. At one time, I looked at him and said, "I'm so glad you're talking again, but please don't yell at me." And then I smiled at him and he knew what I was talking about. Oh, those tender moments.

The kids came in to visit and left so that another could come in. He had a steady show of love and support!! It was wonderful!! We were all impressed and excited for his progress.

The Neurologists were in and out and quietly kept their findings to themselves. I think it's because they don't really know, but they were the ones who said, "Let's give him more time." So, I respect their wishes to not speak too freely too soon.

A RN who deals with life options stopped by and we visited about what Dan's wishes were and gave us a sheet to review as a family and with Dan, when he can.

Later in the day, the Dr. came in again and we had a talk about Dan's Bipolar symptoms. It's been really nice to be right up front and honest about how things have been, what we've tried to do to help, about where we are in the plan to make it work, what's worked and what's not worked. I think they have a pretty good idea of what we're up against. They have said they would hook us up with all the medical and mental health help we need. I just hope we will get the follow-up that comes with the plan. We will travel to SL for all his needs, but that will be a small cost for the help he'll get there. (I hope)

They didn't give him any sedation to help make him comfortable because they want him to be alert so they can get an accurate estimate of his cognitive skills in the next few days.

So many wonderful family and friends have called to check on him! I've loved the prayers and the support for us. Thank you all!!! I love each one of you dearly!

I will say that at the end of the discussion with the Dr. I said to him that I wished he could have known Dan under different circumstances because he is really an amazing man. The Dr. looked at me and said, "I think we've got a good sense of that watching as your children have come and gone." He was saying that through the love of his children, they could see what kind of man really is. I am so grateful to each of them for all they've done to support their Dad; their prayers, their phone calls, their visits, their love, their tears, their laughter, their travels, their time, their Priesthood blessings! They truly are a witness of his goodness!!

We ended our day today with a discussion of their thoughts and feelings and their suggestions and their offers. And then sacred family prayer.

As I am sitting here writing this blog, I looked across the room where Will, James and Seth are kneeling around our little Preston. They quietly proceed to give him a Priesthood blessing to cool his temperature and help him to feel better. Oh, how I love the Priesthood power and the righteous men who use it to bless others. Oh, how I love the righteous men in my life who strive to serve others with their Priesthood.

And yes, Gracie, this was a Good Day!!!

Thursday, Feb. 11

2010-02-11T21:20:00.000-08:00

Wow! What a full day we've had today~
James, Elizabeth and Seth came in last night and crashed with us at The Kimball. We stayed up and visited for a while but we were all pretty bushed. Grace slept with me in the double bed, Seth slept on the couch cushions in the bedroom and James and Elizabeth slept on the pull out in the living room. Gwen had her own little bed with her.

In the morning we all went to Jamba Juice together and then up to the hospital to see Dad.

Will and Jenni met us there. Dan was about the same as yesterday but when the Dr. came in and did the suction test again Dan was noticeably bothered. So, today he showed more awareness of his condition. Also, his eyes looked a little clearer. He still doesn't focus on anything but they seemed to be opened a bit more and clearer. That gave us all some hope. We took turns going in to visit Dan and I think everyone was glad to see him. We didn't meet with the team to discuss options because we were hopeful that maybe he was making some progress. The Dr. said we should give Dan a "couple more days" to see if he continues making progress. We tried to keep the kids all informed about the change of plans for the day but nothing is for sure...

Paunie, Larry, Cornell and Marlene all got to visit Dan today. Seth was there when they came and after they left, Elder Morgan from the Second Quorum of Seventies came through and visited with Seth for a few minutes, asked some questions about Dan and then left. I wasn't there at the time because I had to go to a nearby WalMart and get a "Leave of Absence" packet. I had to fill out several pages, have the Dr. fill out part and then the hospital faxed it to my store where they will process it for me. It was kind of my friends in the Pharmacy to think of me and let me know what I needed to do. I am really blessed to work with the good people that I work with.

The Kimball had to move us from our room that I'd had with them since I'd come. They thought that maybe they would have a "studio" for us but they couldn't be sure. I checked out this morning and they said to check back with them. We put our things in the ski closet and left for the day. Then after getting the Leave papers I went by The Kimball again and they gave me a key to another room. I got our things and went to the room. When I walked in all I could say was, "Oh my goodness!"
"Oh, my goodness". They had given us the suite. It's really nice a big with a large bedroom, one double bed, two singles and a pull out in the living room. There is more of a kitchen and living room with lots of room for family. It is sooo nice!!

Some of us noticed that today when we entered Dan's room and said his name, he would shift his eyes quickly toward the voice and then they went back to the other side. It happened enough that we were pretty sure he was aware of us there and tried to respond.

There were several of us at the hospital when the Neurologist came in to visit with us. He said he was thinking that Dan's condition should improve and maybe within a couple of weeks he would be fully awake and maybe even able to function at the same level that he was at before he began failing. It's certainly worth the wait. I think everyone agrees with us about him having a "quality life" rather than laying in a bed somewhere for a long time. None of us think that would work for Dan. The Drs. are aware of our desires for him along that line. But, he did show some improvements today and we are excited to see if it continues this way.

After that we headed back to The Kimball. The kids stopped and got some pizzas and pop for us for dinner so we had a nice dinner and a good visit with the kids tonight. I told them that Dad always had a way of getting us all together. I also think it did him some good to hear the kids voices.

So, like Gracie and I say each morning, "Today is going to be a good day." and that's exactly what it was.

Thanks your for all your prayers and love.

Wed. Feb. 10

2010-02-10T19:06:00.001-08:00

I'm writing this a little earlier tonight. Gracie and I came back to our room early because I feel so totally exhausted. I told her that it's pretty bad to be so tired from doing nothing much all day. I love being there with Dan and I find myself up and down all day, rubbing his feet, adjusting his head or just standing close by and whispering in his ear. Nothing like an usual day, but all the same, I'm tired.

Paunie and Larry got in to SL last night and since they're staying at the same place as we are, we were able to meet up at their room this morning before we headed up to the hospital. It was good to have them here today.

Gracie and I stopped at Jamba Juice for our morning breakfast and then we went right to the hospital. Dan was much the same, however, the attending nurse mentioned that one of the Neurologist had been by to see him and he thought Dan had tracked him with his eyes. We were excited but got no purposeful movements from him when we tried. Later in the day the same Dr. stopped by again and tried to get a response from him, but not this time. Nobody is really sure if he did it even once.

We had a good visit with the Dr. and his entourage of interns when he examined Dan this morning. We decided to leave the breathing tube in a couple more days just incase he starts to wake up. Then he did a couple of other things. One, he took the restraits off of Dan's left hand to see the the movements that we do see had a purpose. The way he holds up his head and leans towards the breathing tube and at the same time raises his left hand makes it look like perhaps he's trying to pull out the tube. So, with the hand released from the restraint we watched. But, his hand never went towards the tube, just up slightly and back down again. We watched this long enough to surmise that Dan isn't really trying to get the tube out. It apparently doesn't seem to bother him, which it would if he were conscious. It's very big and bulking and going right down his throat. So...

Then they did another check. They took a swab that is used to suction out his mouth and the Dr. put it in his mouth towards the back. There was no gag reflex from Dan so he probably didn't feel that either. Not a good sign.

Paunie came in and got to have some time with him, too. I want to think Dan was aware of her there but we don't know so, we'll assume he did. She brought up a book that the siblings have put together about each of them. She had read some of it to Dan on the phone the other day. We'll read the rest of it to him later. She also brought a picture of their Dad that had a special meaning to them all and a book the his brother Gaylin would like us to read each year. I've left them in Dan's room so that others coming to visit him might also enjoy them.

The nurse that attended Dan today is one of my favorites. He is a hard worker, conscienous about Dan and kind hearted. Earlier in the day there was an exchange between him and Gracie and he ended up saying, "I'd rather have a Kit-Kat". When we went out for some dinner we bought him a giant Kit-Kat and I think he liked that.

The Drs. and nurses at the VA have been amazing!!! They truly care about Dan and about us. A residence stepped into Dan's room tonight to ask if we had any questions and that opened up a discussion about "What now?" In the end, she said that she would contact the team that talks with family in this kind of situation and would set up a meeting for the family tomorrow. We will ask our questions, listen to options and ask more questions. Perhaps we can do some Speaker Phone calls with some of the others so they can participate as well. I know we have some pretty weighty decisions to make in the next couple of days. If any of you children reading this tonight want to connect with us, please give us a call so we can be sure to get you in on it.

Like I said, I'm tired,so Gracie and I came back to the room and are waiting for James, Elizabeth and Seth to arrive. They should be here pretty soon. We don't know if they will stay the night here with us in SL or try to get down to Provo and stay with James' sister and husband. They are also pretty tired.

Will and Jenni are a little further out but they will be going to Jenni's friends place here in SL. People sure are good to take care of us. I will check with the girl up front in the morning to see if we can stay here again tomorrow night or not. They may be full up but we'll see.

Thank you all again for your comments, your support, your calls and your love. I don't get to call all of you back, or reply to each of your emails, but I carry your love in my heart each day that makes each day a little lighter.

Tuesday Feb. 9 ~ Luke's Birthday

2010-02-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

My, the days are passing by quickly. It's almost been a week since we first got here. So much has happened and yet so little has happened. After we talked with the kids last night, Daniel went to the Baltimore/Washington Airport and tried to get a flight out. He spent the rest of the night there only to be told that the airport was shutting down because of the storm. From there he went on to work. One long day for him. Anyway, we appreciate all his efforts to get here. In time...

Will and Jenni called and they are driving over tomorrow and will be here in the evening. James and Elizabeth left Seattle today and went to Portland where they will trade cars with Rob (James' wonderful dad) and then they will come over tomorrow, too. They are going to go through Pocatello and pick up Seth.

Tessha is such a sweetheart to stay put there in IF and to help Alisha maintain some normalicy with school and all. Beside, Alisha has a date to the Sweetheart Ball on Saturday and hopefully all will go well so she can keep it.

Laura and Mark will come later if needed but for now will stay put in Arizona.
Kristi, Haini and Grace have been by my side non-stop and I am so grateful for their company. They help me see good things instead of worrying about the bad. I've loved having so much time with them and with the little ones. They make me smile!

Dan, well Dan's about the same today. There was a new crew of nurses and they felt they needed to give him more time to "wake up" before removing the tube. I appreciate their desire to wait and see. All things in time. Dan was warm to touch today and I love that about him. I would often put my cold hands or feet next to him and warm right up. He never told me I couldn't so I would. I also got to lay my head on his chest today and listen to his heart beat. When we both stand up my ear is just right at his heart level and I often would put my head on his chest just to hear it beating. It was good to do that again today, even if he was laying down.

Paunie called and I put the phone to his ear so he could hear her. Cornell also called and we did the same again. They will both be here tomorrow as well. So much family with us.

I have loved reading the emails or blog comments from so many wonderful friends. Thank you all for your prayers and love!! We will always be grateful for your kindnesses and thoughts.

When Alisha was born and having so many difficulties I was given a little yellow teddy bear magnet that says, "Tomorrow whispers hope." I still have that little bear and Tomorrow still whispers hope.

Monday Feb. 8

2010-02-08T22:09:00.000-08:00

It's late and I'm pretty beat but I really want to record some of the happenings of today before going to bed. I'm afraid I'll forget things that I need to remember.

Gracie and I ate breakfast and went up to the hospital around 10:30-11:00. Dan was about the same as yesterday. He was getting a fever again and they were trying to make him comfortable. He was quite wiggly and they said he was real restless last night so they had given him some pain medication to help him relax during the night.

Today they had a couple Neurologists come examine him. They were good and asked questions about his history. Then they excused us and did an evaluation. We didn't see their report today but it was relayed to us that they didn't really have any answers. They wondered about his movements being from possible seizures. We'd ruled out a stroke partly from observation and partly from the CAT Scan that was done a few days ago. They didn't think his movements were related to the Parkinson's either. All and all, they really don't know what's happening to him.

One of the Drs. I like the best said that they couldn't explain why he was "slowly deteriating." That was maybe the first acknowledgement that he wasn't getting better like they thought he might. He's basically made no real progress during his stay and he's never shown signs of awareness. We think he hears us and we have seen what we think are tears at times. But, the longer he's in the coma, the harder it is on him to come out of it and the brain function becomes more limited with time.

When I am with him and see his condition, I just want him to have some peace. It's easier at those times to think it would ok for him to pass on. But, when I am gone from him, I just want nothing more than for him to get better and come home with me. I realize that wish is for myself and not for him, but I can't help wishing it... That is until I see him again. Then it starts all over and want some relief for him.

The Dr. said that his kidneys are making a lot of water so they have to keep a lot of water going into him so they don't stop functioning again. However, all the water is settling in his arms and hands and they are really swollen. His right hand is huge and hard. It can't be good.

I was going to leave to go back home tomorrow. I feel bad leaving Tessha and Alisha at home and not being there with them. I also had thought I'd be able to work a few days and then return to SL. But, when we were talking to the Drs. tonight they strongly encouraged me to stay in SL. In fact, Jutta, my angel nurse asked if she could get my stay at The Kimball extended for me. She called them and they will let me stay here until Thursday but thought they could extend it past that if I needed. So, I won't be going home anytime soon and perhaps they are right about me needing to be around.

They were going to take his breathing tube out a couple of days ago, but they kept putting it off. They had thought that he'd start responding soon after the dialysis. When he didn't they thought it best to keep the tube in to protect the air-way. They had hoped he would regain that ability on his own, but he hasn't. They were going to take it out today but again they thought he would be at risk for asperating without it.

They asked if he had ever mentioned what he would like to happen if he were unable to tell us. I told them about his will and his wish for no artifical life support other than food and water. It was then that they said they would remove the tube tomorrow and see how he would do without it. They have all been wonderful and I couldn't have asked for better care, either in knowledge or in compassion. They truely care about him.

Gracie and I came back to our room and have called the kids to tell them about the decision to remove the tube tomorrow. We don't know what will happen from that point on but we will wait upon the Lord and his timing. He knows what is best for all of us and we don't want anything other than that.

Sunday Feb. 7

2010-02-07T16:57:00.000-08:00

Sundays are usually wonderful days of Spirit and strength and today was no different that way. Luke gave me a beautiful blessing this morning and I felt the power of the Priesthood through him. What an amazing experience to have one of our sons give me a blessing. It makes me really appreciate their father who taught his sons well.
Afterwards, we took Spence over to Temple Square and showed him around, or rather he showed us all the things he wanted to see. It was fun to be with both of them. I'll include some of the pictures here.
When they headed down to Orem I went up to the hospital. Dan was restless and so they were giving him some pain medicine to help him relax. They were going to do a "Pic" IV, take out the catheter from the dialysis and do a Lumbar Puncture (spinal tap) and they needed him to be still and restful for all those procedures. The catheter came out great, the Pic when in great and the lumbar puncture went good too. The Dr. said that the fluid looked clear but would have it tested for any infections.
Other than that, they don't know why he's not waking up and responding. They call him a "mystery".
There is the sweetest nurse here. Her name is Jutta and she's from Germany. She takes the most wonderful care of Dan and of me. She makes sure I'm fed and brings me food from their staff dinners. Today she brought me 7 layer bean dip and chips, lasagna, bread and a salad. Then later she brought over some chocolate cake and milk. She's always getting me ice water and she's the one who got me the room at The Kimball. She said if I come down next weekend she'd try to get me another room then, too. She has made it so nice to be there at the hospital everyday!
It was nice to have some time with Dan this afternoon. It was peaceful and while he slept, I was able to just sit there with him.
I don't know what's going to happen next but I'm at peace with whatever. You know, there's something to say about loving someone so deeply and knowing that you'll always be together in this life and in the next. Besides, when it's someone as good and brave as Dan is, it's also rather exciting.
I think Grace is coming up to stay with me until I have to go home on Tuesday. I sure do love my children and I so appreciate all the people that are remembering us in their prayers!

Sat. Feb. 6

2010-02-06T22:21:00.000-08:00

Today started out with a wonderful surprise. Luke called to say that he and Spence were flying into SL to be with Dan. Grace had stayed the night with me and I sure enjoyed her company. After we had rested a bit, we got showered and cleaned up and headed for the hospital. We stopped for a Jamba Juice on the way.
Dan was about the same. He moved more today trying to adjust himself. He's really too big for the bed and I'm sure he wasn't comfortable. His eyes were open a good part of the day but he never seemed to focus them or indicate that he was able to hear us. I got in nice and close and told him that Luke was coming. Right about then, Gracie said, "Mom, is that a tear?" It appeared that there was a tear coming from his left eye. Perhaps, he had heard.
He's running a fever so they had him covered with a little hand towel and Grace did a great job helping me keep him comfortable and cool.
Luke and Spence got in around 3:00 and came straight up to the hospital. It seemed like Dan knew Luke was there talking to him. He would put his head close to Luke and one time I thought I saw Dan's hand trying to reach for Luke. I can't say for sure, but it very well might have been his way of responding to Luke's voice. One of the Drs. told us that if he wasn't responding any better tomorrow they would do a spinal tap and see if there was any infection in the fluid. His arm is looking a little bit better and his fever is slowly going down. They started an feeding tube so he's getting some nutrition. After spenting some time with Dan we left to get something to eat. It had been a long flight and everyone was hungry.
After dinner, we came back to The Kimball and got things settled here and then connected up with Kristi and Haini and went back up to the hospital. Luke and I were with Dan and then Haini went in with Luke for a while. Kristi and I went in last and stayed till they were ready to kick us out. Dan seemed a bit more relaxed tonight.
Luke and Spence are spending the night with me at The Kimball and Gracie went home to Provo so she could go to her ward tomorrow. Her friend invited lots of their friends to join in a fast for Dan tomorrow. We know he is in the Lord's hands and with that we end another day.

Friday Jan. 5

2010-02-05T14:29:00.000-08:00

Lots has happened over the past two days and I'm sure it's not over yet.
Thursday morning I got up, got ready for work and went down to Dan's room to give him some breakfast and his morning meds. He wasn't in his bed and since he hadn't been able to walk I didn't think he'd gone far. He wasn't in his bathroom - I thought not. And then it dawned on me. He was on the far side of his bed. There is about 8-10 inches on the wall side of his bed. I use that space to walk in while making his bed. There on the floor was Dan. He was smashed between the wall and his bed. Just try to imagine a 6'4" tall, big man smashed into 10 inches. He wasn't able to talk and in fact I don't remember him making any noise at all. I called for Alisha and asked her to call Bishop's house. It was about 6:00 AM but he wasn't home. His sweet wife said she'd call someone to come over and help us. It didn't take long and Brother Dean Cowley was there in the room with me and with both of us working on him, we were able to get him on the bed. Mostly, it was Dean who was able to lift him up and lay him back on the bed. Dan had really scraped up his face, right arm and feet from the stucco surface of the wall. I'm sure he had tried to get himself up and just couldn't. Even the thought of it hurts!! I knew then that we couldn't wait for the Poc. VA to call us so that we could see a Dr. I knew we needed to leave as quick as possible to get to SL.

Dean went home and made some phone calls and I got a bag packed and Dan ready to make the trip. Within 1/2 hour we had Brother Cowley, Pres. Reilly, and Brother Park at our house ready to move Dan upstairs and into the car. Before we moved him out of his room they gave him a Priesthood blessing. I can't remember right now all the things he spoke but I know the Spirit was there and we were comforted. Then they each took hold of Dan and although it wasn't easy because he wasn't really coherent (like dead weight)they got him up the stairs and into the car. We got him buckled in and came back into the house where they gave me a blessing, too. Again, I don't remember a lot of it, but I do remember hearing about angels guiding us and to enjoy their presence.

They gave me some cash for the trip and sent me on my way. I remember watching Alisha stand outside waiting for the school bus and then driving off. Dan wasn't really "with me" during most of the trip. I made a few phone calls while on driving to let family know what was happening.

We made it to the VA hospital in a little over 3 hours. Dan was very out of it most of the time. He moaned a bit off and on but he never answered me or even tried to. I think he could hear me but wasn't able to respond.

I drove right up to the front doors of the hospital and ran in. I asked someone where the Emergency room was and then I went there. They told me that someone at the front desk would get me some help if I needed it. I told them that my husband was in the car and that I couldn't get him out without help. They got a wheelchair at first and when they saw him they went back in for a gurney. Three men lifted him out and onto the gurney and then they took him in to the ER. I had to go park the car and then I ran in and they showed where they had taken Dan. I went into an new area where kind lady pointed to a curtain. I could hear them trying to talk to him, behind the curtain so I stepped in and saw 5-8 Dr's. standing around him. His shirt was off and there to things on his chest. They an IV in and were working on him. They asked me if I were his wife and then escorted me outside to where the lady was sitting. She was so kind. She stood up and gave me a big hug and held me tight while I cried. I hadn't cried until then and it was a relief to have someone hold me. She stayed close by and was there for me whenever they stepped out from behind the curtain. Her name was Meagan but I called her an angel. When things settled down a bit she left. I think perhaps she had been there just for me.

After a while they let me see him. They had to put in a breathing tube because they were afraid he have trouble breathing correctly. I was able to stay with him until they took him to the ICU. So much has happened that it's hard to remember everything.

They ran some tests and decided they needed to do a dialysis. His kidneys were not functioning and we don't know why. It could be because he wasn't getting much liquid in and they might have started to shut down because of that. Anyway, because they were shutting down, his lithium level has increased dangerously high. Normally, it should be about 1, his was 4. The dialysis would help clear that up. They thought they might have to do it a couple of times. They started about 4:00 and would run it till 1:00. However, somewhere around 7:00, he passed a clot and they had to start over. Eventually, they ran it until 5:00 this morning.

Kristi, Haini, kids and Gracie all came up to be with us. They allowed two of us in at a time. Haini gave him a wonderful Priesthood blessing and I really appreciated his words to Dan. They wanted us to leave for a bit so we went to dinner at the Chuck A' Rama on 5th South. It was good to relax for a bit with family. After that the Sugu's went home and Gracie went with me back to the hospital. They kicked us out at 10:00 so we headed to Provo. Gracie went home and I stayed the night at Kristi's.

In the morning, Sitani got up and came laid on the futon with me for a little while. We got up and went to get some groceries at WalMart. Then I came on up to the hospital. (I need to get back there now so I'll work on this more later.)

He is about the same as before. His right hand and arm are really swollen up and they are trying to keep it elevated. One of the nurses asked where I was staying and when I told her in Orem, she got on the phone and got me a room at The Kimball.
I can stay here till next Tuesday and all I have to pay is $30 for the cleaning fee. The nurse said that they do that for families of vets. in the hospital. It's a really nice place with a bedroom, walk through dinning room and a living room/kitchen combo. I can get a few groceries and have a comfortable place close to the hospital. I will miss the Sugu's but this is much closer to Dan.

Gracie came up around 8:30 and stayed with me at the hospital for an hour or so before we left to come here. She's going to stay the night with me. I love having her here.

A bit more on Dan; he's still in the coma. I kept thinking he'd wake up and all would be well. They said getting the lithium out would clear up lots of the inabilities; like talking, thinking, etc. But, he still hasn't awaken. They are attaching another IV tonight or early tomorrow morning for easier blood draws. He's had a slight fever so they're watching that. They are so good to keep him comfortable and good to me, too.

Anyway, that's what's happening now.
I know this is all jumbled up and probably doesn't make much sense, but that's about where I am right now. Maybe later I can correct it and make it sound better. Maybe later. Good night.

Wed. Feb. 3 ~ James Birthday

2010-02-03T21:13:00.000-08:00

I got up earlier today (4:45) thinking that would give me enough time to get Dan changed and fed before I had to leave. I was surprised how much longer it took than I had thought. However, it was sooo nice to know he was clean, dry and (no, not at all full) when I left. He still won't take much food. Believe me, I try! He takes what he wants and then he's done.
Anyway, I came home at noon today and he was in bed but did not feel good. He's been a bit hot today - maybe a slight fever. I tried to feed him some chicken and rice and strawberry jello dessert for lunch but again, a few bites of both and he was done. He drank about 1/2 bottle of Ensure. Not enough to make me feel good, but he was done. His bed was wet so I tried to get him to his chair so I could strip the bed and wash the sheets. We didn't make it to the chair. He went down right by the bed and again, I couldn't get him up. I fixed him with lots of pillows and a blanket and then started on the bed. I was able to get it washed and back on before I left for the pharmacy. He took his noon pills but not his evening ones today.
While I was waiting for the sheets to wash, I started calling the VA. I called Colleen who had called and left a message on Tuesday. I got her answering machine. She said she checks her messages twice a day and would call back when she could. She has not called back yet and it's 10:30. Then there was another message from a Lisa. This one bothered me because she was insistant that Dan come to Pocatello for some lab work that the Dr. wants down immediately. "At (his) age, (he) should be able to travel to Pocatello and save the VA the money from having the lab work done in IF. (I won't mention here that I've had to pay for some of the lab work that the VA had ordered done here in IF because they have refused to pay for it.)
Anyway, I tried to call Lisa back and explain; Dan can't walk and can't talk and has pretty much quit eating and I can't lift him at all. I told her that I've been trying to get a VA dr. to see him but I can't reach anyone to talk to. Of course, I was transferred to her voice messages so I told her that if she would like to give me a call back I'd be glad to visit with her about the lab work that the dr. wants.
I've not heard back from her, either. I called the VA Urgent Care there in Pocatello and some very nice Travis listened to me and said he could help. He would transfer me right to Colleen. He did and I got her message machine again. I told her that I had already left a message for her.
I've decided that if I can't talk to someone tomorrow with the intent of having a dr. see Dan, then on Friday morning we would find a way to get him upstairs, in the car and we would go directly to the VA hospital in SL, right to the ER to see a dr. I'm telling you, if this is the best Government Health care we can get... we're all in deep trouble!!!! You'd think it would be better for our vets. - NOT!
Anyway, I got the bed together and then called Bro. Tobias. He came over and helped me put Dan back on the bed.
Alisha came home soon after I left and she tried to get him to eat something, but....
He was awake when I got home so I changed him and tucked him back it. He's got some very small black dots on his stomach and I'm anxious to have someone look at them. His gums are also bleeding and I often have to wash the dry blood off his lips.
Friday at the latest!!!!

Tues. Feb. 2

2010-02-02T17:33:00.000-08:00

I love spending time at home with Dan. I was able to come home early again today and Dan was a little more alert. I got him some lunch and he ate it all. Of course I had to feed him, but he ate! Later this evening he was sitting in his chair in his room and he tried to get up. When I got downstairs he was on the floor. We worked together for almost 1/2 hour and I got him over to the bed but couldn't get him up so I called Bishop who came right over. (Amy sent some hot homemade bread with him.) Bishop was able to pick him up and help me get him into bed. I'm going to let him rest a bit and then feed him some dinner and get him ready for bed. I know he's tired. I am. This is the first time I've had to call someone to come help me move him. The VA called today and I'll call them back tomorrow. Hopefully, they'll be able to see him soon.

Monday Feb.1

2010-02-01T21:42:00.001-08:00

February is here and good things are in store. After all, how can the month with Valentine's Day be a bummer?
We got the toilet fixed today. Brother Tobias came over and reset the seal with new screws and bolts to hold it down again. Thank you!!
Dan took a bit of Ensure this morning with his pills before I left for school. But I really think that breakfast at 6:00 AM is too early for anyone. I took a half day of SL and came home to be with Dan about noon. He took his noon pills and a little more Ensure. Then Brother Tobias came over and we worked on the toilet. Dan was sleeping so soundly, he didn't even wake up once. I tried to feed him again before I left for the Pharmacy, but he didn't want any.
Trena Park brought dinner over. What a blessing to be loved and cared for. Alisha didn't have a game today so she came home after practiced and tried to get Dan to drink some Ensure but he still didn't want any.
When I got home he was awake and trying to get up to go to the bathroom. But he got confused and once we finally made it to the door he didn't want to go in anymore. I think he was afraid to take his hands off of the door frame so he finally decided to go back to bed. While he was up, I did a quick change into clean PJs, remade his bed and helped him get back in. His legs were really shaky today and he had a real hard time moving his feet. Sometimes he stares off into space and doesn't seem to know I'm there but then tonight when I was leaving I said, "I love you Dan" and he said, "I love you Dan". I said, "Thanks for trying so hard" and he said, "Thanks for trying, too." With that said, I'll head for bed.

Sunday Jan 31

2010-01-31T19:44:00.000-08:00

It's interesting because when I was sleeping last night I had some impressions that I needed to take heed of. I realized that Dan might be faltering because he isn't able to eat like he could even a week ago. I think I wrote about the hamburger that he couldn't hold in his hands and now he struggles to use a spoon. He's not eaten much at all this past week. So, I decided I needed to start purating his foods so that he could suck them through a straw. It was about 6:00 when I got up and started fixing something for him to eat. I took it down about 7:00 and tried to get him to eat a little bit. He seemed to appreciate it. He drank quite a bit and then was done. I got him in the shower and scrubbed him down good, washed his hair and face and got him out. I dried him up and got him dressed in some clean clothes (PJs) and shaved him and brushed his teeth. He looked so nice and I think he felt better. He let me do it all without a struggle. I tucked him back in and went upstairs to get ready for work. It was nice to have the time in the morning to get him ready for the day.

While I was at the Pharmacy, Alisha called around 4:00 to say that Dad had tried to get out of bed but ended up laying on the floor. Obviously, she couldn't get him up so she gave him a pillow and a blanket and then called me. When I got home I got him up and in his chair. I had brought some Ensure home for him. He drank a whole bottle of strawberry and seemed to enjoy it. Then he drank a lot of water. He likes to have his mug of water close by so he can drink when he wants to. After watching some TV and falling asleep in his chair he finally called for me to help him into bed. I'll get him his night meds before I go to bed. Another day.

Sat. Jan. 30

2010-01-30T21:14:00.001-08:00

The week is almost over, as is the month. And what a month it's been. I think it's been a rough one for many. I'm hopeful that Feb. will bring some sunshine. Such as it is, we have been blessed. Seth came home last night and we spent some time visiting. Then this morning he did some errands around the house for me while I was at work.
Dan came up stairs this afternoon and after trying to eat some dinner, he sat in his chair in the living room. Brother Bennett called and talked with him a little. I know that because BB. came by the pharmacy to visit with me. He said he really couldn't understand Dan on the phone and he was concerned. He offered any help we might need.
Seth stopped by the pharmacy several times while doing the errands and then after work he took me to dinner. It reminded me of a time years ago when he took me out. I so enjoyed the visit and especially the help around the house. There are just so many things I can't do let alone - get to. Thank you, Seth!!

When I got home I set out Dan's meds for the next week, ordered any that need refilling and then took his night meds. down to him. He struggled to put them in his mouth. At one point he actually put them on the lid of his mug thinking he was putting them where they needed to go. Finally we got them in his mouth and he took a drink. I had to get him out of bed to change his pajama bottoms so he could have some clean ones on for the night. It was very difficult tonight. He had a hard time moving his feet and holding on to his walker to stand up. At one point he just let go and although I tried to hold him up, I couldn't! He went down slowly so he wasn't hurt but he went down none the less. Then I couldn't do anything to help with his pajamas because I couldn't move him at all. After several minutes he was finally able to move himself to something steady and pull himself up. I got him to swish some mouth wash and then back into bed. He has a hard time judging when to sit. He's usually way too far from the bed, the chair or whatever so when he sits down he doesn't get positioned where he needs to be. I tried real hard to get him close enough to the bed so he didn't have to try to move himself while on the bed. It didn't happen well but we worked together to get his head where it needed to be and his knees on the bed and under the covers.

I have to write a story about last night. His bedroom is right below mine and so I can hear him move around in his room. Well, last night in the middle of the night I heard a thump and remembering that his knees were awfully close to the edge of the bed when we got him tucked in last night, I was worried that he might have fell out of bed. I got up and went down to see if he was alright. He was fine and so I just tucked him back in and started to leave the room when I heard him say in a soft, quiet voice, "Sweet dreams".

Friday Jan. 29

2010-01-29T21:11:00.001-08:00

I'm making a week of it but I just had to say that Dad did a little better today. He was still in bed when I got home from school. He hadn't been up at all but he was able to come upstairs and eat a little- very little bit of soup. When he was done I helped wash him up and comb his hair and then he sat in his chair. The last couple of days I have the sweet blessing of sitting with him for a few minutes before I leave for the pharmacy. He in his chair and me in mine. - Quite the expected picture. Then I read out of the Ensign to him. I've enjoyed the reading and the time with him. He closes his eyes and listens and then opens them and says, "I'm listening." I love it.

He didn't eat anything for Alisha when she got home but he got out of his chair by himself and went down to bed. A little later Alisha took his evening meds down to him and he took them.

When I got home I took down his night meds. and tried to tuck him in. I was excited that he was able to get himself out of his chair and down the stairs by himself. YEAH!!! Good job, Dan!

Thursday Jan. 28

2010-01-28T21:35:00.000-08:00

So it's Thursday night and I'm back again. It's late and the others are in bed so I'll just take a minute to write about today.
Like I said, Dad slept upstairs in Alisha's bed last night. He slept soundly and I woke him when I took his morning meds into him before I left for school. When I got home he was sitting in his chair upstairs. He said he hadn't eaten. Actually, he didn't say much of anything but I think that's what he tried to say when I asked him if he had eaten anything today. His speech is very hesitant and jumboed. He slurs most of his words and can't find the right words to say. He's very confused most of the time now.
Anyway, I got him up and fixed him some dinner. He was eating when I went to the pharmacy. Alisha got home later, after practice and they had some pizza together.
He had sat in his chair all day and didn't have the strength to stand up. Literally, he sat there. His chair is wet and the room smells pretty bad. He really struggles to stand up, even with my help.
He wanted to sleep downstairs tonight so I tried to help him down the stairs. It took us 25 minutes to get him down and into his bed. We had to change all his clothes and now we're back to Depends again. It's got to be nicer than sitting there in wet clothes.
I'm so lost as to what to do. I need some information about how to help him but I don't know just where to get it and then when do I do that, too. I was so hoping to get into to see the VA dr. last week, but they canceled because there was no dr.
I noticed on the calendar that it has been a year since we saw Mary at the VA. She was the last person to see Dan consistently. Since then he saw someone else 2 times and then 1 other person. They didn't know Dan or really anything about him so it was rather wasted visits. When I tried to reschedule an appointment with them they said that maybe he could see someone in March.
I'm hoping that most of these symptoms are because of depression rather than the Parkinson's or the Alzhiemer's. He was like this last winter too. Maybe just not so confused but this year he's not suicidal, so that's a blessing.
There, I found a blessing. On that note, I'm going to bed.

Wed. Jan. 27

2010-01-27T21:21:00.000-08:00

Last night I would not have thought that I'm be writing another post tonight. But I need to record what happened today.
I came home from school and fixed Dad a bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup but he hardly ate any. I don't think he'd eaten at all today. I thought he'd be pretty hungry, but he only ate a couple of bitefuls. He was worried because he had broken the toilet downstairs so I went down to see what I could do. It was lying on it's side and the water had leaked out. I think he had tried to stand up and had pushed too hard on the hand rails that are attached to it. Anyway, he had actually tipped it right over and pulled the toilet out of the bolts in the ground. It's going to take quite some work to get it back in place correctly. I need to look at the ring to make sure it's still good. I was able to sit it back up right but it's going to take a lot more than that to make it good. I work both jobs straight from now till next Tuesday night so I don't think I can fix it before then.

I called Dan from the pharmacy to make sure he was ok and had taken his evening meds. He hadn't and didn't think he would take them himself. I told him I'd get them for him when I got home later.

When I got home he was still upstairs in his chair in the living room and didn't think he could make it down the stairs again. He thought he'd just sleep in the chair. He was still worried about his toilet. I told him that I couldn't fix it tonight so he decided to stay upstairs. Alisha was kind enough to give him her bed and she went down to the family room. I don't know if this is going to be a permanant change or not, but we'll soon find out. I tried to help him up from his chair but he was so unstable that he wouldn't let go of the chair and I was left there trying to hold him up. When he finally let go, he was able to stand up but he couldn't more his feet for a long time. Finally, he inched his feet forward and with little more than 2-3" at a time we got him into Alisha's bed. I think a lot of the "freezing up" is from him not taking the carbadopa-levo. for the Parkinson's. The dr. told us that he has to stay on a pretty rigid schedule with it for him to be able to move much. I wish there was a way I could do this better.

It's 10:30 and I've been up since 5:30 so I'm going to bed now. It actually feels good to have Dan upstairs where I can get to him if he needs something.
Good-night.

Tuesday - Jan. 26

2010-01-26T13:40:00.000-08:00

I called home about 12:30 today to see if Dan had taken his "noon" meds. He answered! His speech was a bit more clear and he asked what my phone number was. He had been trying to call me, but didn't remember the number. I gave him both my cell number and my school number for him to write down. We kept getting disconnected. I called him back and said I had "lost" him. He responded with, "It's no fun to be lost." It was good to hear his speak a bit better today.
This is my second day off in a row from the pharmacy. It's good to be home. I went VT and when I got home, Dan was on the living room floor. He had lost his balance and gone down on the nice soft, double padded carpet. (Thank you, Daniel)
I made him a hamburger for dinner but had to cut it up for him. He couldn't keep it in his hands to eat it. He kept asking when Tessha is coming home. I think he misses her attention and fixing him meals. It will be good to get her home in a couple of weeks or so.
I tucked him in bed and headed off to Alisha's last BB game. It's senior night! He was still in bed when I got home so I gave him his night meds and said good-night.
Back to both jobs tomorrow. I worry about him when I'm gone all day and night.

The Dan Diaries - Jan. 25, 2010

2010-01-25T19:08:00.000-08:00

The Dan Diaries are a special place for me to write about Dan and what's happening in his life. I don't expect many people to read it but I want to record how he is progressing in regards to his Parkinson's and Alzhiemer's. I've thought that maybe someday I'll want to look back over it and see what really happened to us, and not to just survive this illness but to grow from it. Perhaps some of the children will want to read it from time to time, but there is no need to if they'd really rather not know.
I've thought about sending out emails like I did a year ago. But if some of the family would rather not watch it happen; would rather not know, then it is their right to remember him as they do.
But, I am finding times that are very gentle in it all and I just want to remember them, too.

This is just the beginning of the journey. I'll write as I can and as I want.

Tonight I shaved Dan. It was a new experience, both difficult and tender. He was kind and patient but you could tell now and then it hurt him. Afterwards, he took a quick shower (most showers now are quick), put on clean pajamas and went to bed. I tucked him in. He likes his new sheets (850 Egyptian linen). He got them for Christmas and they really are nice. I washed his comforter the other night and it turned out a lot nicer than I expected. It looks pretty good now.
I came home from the pharmacy last Saturday night at 7:30 and decided it was time to clean up his bedroom and his bathroom again. It took quite a while but it was so nice to walk out knowing his room was clean again. I don't get to do that as often as I wish, but when I do, we're both glad.
Dan's been having a lot of trouble walking. He shakes pretty bad and can't always find the strength to stand up. Most times he needs some support in order to get up from a chair. I have to keep reminding him to "don't sit down until you can feel the chair). He tries to sit down way too soon and sometimes ends up on the floor.
He's had some trouble with his speech lately and he can't remember what he wants to say by the time he gets the mouth working. It's been very frustrating for both of us because he wants to tell me and I want to listen but it just doesn't work well.
He's also been forgetting to take his meds. Tessha's been gone to Penny's to help her with the girls while she recuperates from her surgery so during the day, Dan's been on his own. I try to call when it's time to take his meds. but most of the time he doesn't answer the phone-even after repeated phone calls. So, I have to wait till I get home to know if he's taken them or not. Most of the time he hasn't.
However, the other night while I was at the pharmacy he took 3 boxes instead of the 1box that he was supposed to take at bed time. I'm going to have to work out another way to make it happen. I usually try to take his "bedtime" meds down to him when I get home. That way I can make sure he's covered up and warm, too.
He has a hard time moving his body around in the bed and sometimes he gets his head way too high up in the bed. He'd rather just "bend" over than try to move down, so I try to help him get adjusted before I leave him. Some night when I can't sleep, I go down and crawl in beside him and he holds me until I fall asleep. I like those times.
I have to hope that as winter leaves, Dan will return a bit more to us. Winter is always harder on him than summer. Maybe???